This blog post is a transcription of The. Dr. Ali Griffith Show. If you’d rather listen instead of read, there are links to the episode down below!
What’s up, what’s up, what is up? Welcome to the Dr. Ali Griffith Show – Mindset, Meditation, and Motivation. I’m so excited for this next episode today y’all. We’re going to figure out how to use one of my key au-mazing strategies that I use in every aspect of my life with a breakdown happening, especially unexpected breakdowns. Before we get into that, I want to thank all of you that are subscribing, that are leaving your comments, that are leaving your messages, and that are sharing this with your friends. I so appreciate you stepping out of your comfort zone and doing something new. For all of my new listeners and viewers, welcome, welcome, and welcome. Tell me how you love it, make sure you’re visiting my website at www.draligriffith.com, and stay connected because I love to give gifts. I love to give surprises, and I love to give au-mazing tips techniques and tools that you can use throughout so many different things in your life – whether it’s being a parent, being an entrepreneur, being a professional, just being a human being. Sometimes it’s just good to hear it from someone else, someone else who’s real, someone who’s an everyday around the way girl – that’s what I like to call myself. Thanks again for joining, and let me know what you think about today’s episode.
If you have always wanted to try and figure out, how do I get through those moments where I woke up in the morning, it’s a wonderful day, everything is going beautiful and then BOOM. You get the worst news, or BOOM. Something unexpected just kicks into play and you’re like, “where did this come from? Everything was going so smooth.” I had one of those days this morning when I woke up. I started doing my meditation, everything was running smooth and then guess who, guess what impacted my day? My wonderful au-mazing gift Zachary, who is now almost 13. With him hitting these almost teenage years (because he’ll 13 in a few days) it’s that unexpected, it’s the attitude, it’s the “I’m happy one moment, and then I’m miserable one moment, and then I’m angry one moment.” This morning was one of those days where he was just not the Zachary that I know – just completely moody, mean, saying things about himself. Just saying things that I just knew that were totally out of character. And it affected me, I’ll be so honest with y’all. It totally affected me because it disrupted my pattern, my flow of starting my morning making sure I’m getting myself pouring into me, doing my meditation. You know those au-meditation moments I’ve been speaking to you about? I was so full in that zone that I could not believe that here he comes completely disrupting what was going on. Alright, so dealing with it I had to start incorporating some things that I knew I needed to do.
The first thing was I had to be still. I had to just let him go through what he was going through and not jump in to save it. Sometimes we’re always trying to jump in and save it, stop it, change them, change whatever is going on with them so we can impact whatever it is that they’re feeling… but it’s not right. If he’s having a moment and he’s disgruntled and he’s upset about something, let him have that. And I allowed him to have that. I allowed him to just voice what was going on. I started to just ask a little bit of questions so that he can clarify it and really tap into what it was that he was upset at. He didn’t even know what he was upset at, but he was at least able to show that you know, “I’m trying to get to where I’m not upset. I’m just upset that you know I feel that everything you say that I have to do.” He’s going through this stage now where he is losing his voice is what he seems to be thinking. You know, as parents we tend to overshadow our children with the things that we think they should do. I asked him, “well where exactly are you losing your voice?” And he was just like, “I feel like you know it’s your rules is what goes on.” And I said, “you know what? Let’s talk about this, and let’s try and figure out where it is that you would like to get some more say in this. Now I’m the parent, and there are some things that I am definitely not going to change. However, I’m going to be open to some of the things you’re saying and see how we can create some sort of working relationship. Because no matter what I’m your mom, you’re my son, and we need to figure this out because we are cohabitation together.” And he loved it. He was upset initially because he was like, “you’re not really going to listen to what I’m saying.” And I’m like, “yeah I’m going to listen to what you’re saying.” So after going through a few minutes of him being disgruntled and me totally in my feelings, being sad, and wondering “ok where did I go wrong as a parent?” – I don’t know if any of you guys just go through that – I just allowed him to just speak and open up his thoughts and he said hurtful things. He was like, “you know I don’t want you to be my mom sometimes.” And I’m like, “well when are those times? Tell me more about that.” Helping him to get really really in synergy with what he’s feeling and why he’s feeling those things, instead of going into MY feelings. So the first thing is let them get it out. Embrace the moments, embrace what’s happening at that time, instead of going in and just trying to shift everything immediately. Be a listener if that’s what you need to do at times. I definitely had to do that this morning, whether I liked it or I didn’t.
The second thing I had to do is even throughout that not get upset. When something is happening and you totally didn’t expect it, and he’s coming in and he’s saying all these things. Don’t get me wrong y’all, tears were coming to my eyes because it was hurtful things to hear him say and verbalize. But then I noticed that when I started to get really emotional he started to change his words and change his focus, but they weren’t being changed because he felt that way. They were being changed because he was trying to please me and I didn’t want that. I wanted to hear his truth. So I had to get myself together. I had to do self check Ali, get it together, because if you want to really tap into what’s happening right here you’ve got to disconnect a little bit and stop being so emotional. Just allow him to be and say what it is that he’s feeling so we can finally work on improving what’s going on. So I checked it. I wiped the tears, I looked away. I’m like, “ok no I’m fine,” I breathe. “Please just continue going. Mom’s ok. Tell me what it is that you’re feeling.” So check your feelings y’all. Check your emotions at the door so that you can actually process what’s going on and how, if anything, that you can reach some sort of compromise or find some sort of middle ground in between the storm or in between what has happened that may appear as a breakdown.
The last thing I want to tell you, and this was it for me. I had to really breathe and just think to myself, “you know what Ali? Rome was not built in one day, and if we can focus on thing just one thing at a time, then I believe that we can make changes.” As I began to deal with just one thing – because he had a few things, and I don’t want to just walk in and try to solve everything in one shot – but just deal with that one thing. Today that one thing was you know if you’re angry, you really gotta find another way to tell mom. Because all the explosion, all the disruption, it makes it really really hard for us to get to this point where you just tell me what it is that you’re frustrated at. Like can we reduce some of the time with the tantrum part and just let’s have open communication and let’s just talk. So that’s the one thing we focused on today. Whatever you’re going through, whenever your having those moments of overwhelm and it’s all coming into you all at once, and you’re not really clear of how exactly to deal with this or process this – all I want to tell you is just think one thing, one thing at a time.
I use those same practices when I am dealing with being an entrepreneur because as some of you know I run a business. I run a few businesses, but one of my major ones is a training and development company where I do coaching with entrepreneurs, autism moms, and special needs moms within the parenting aspect and for those that want to start creating legacy. As I’m working with them I realize that I’m dealing with the same thing and that I’m helping them through the same process – which is first receiving whatever it is that’s going on. Like you really got to own up to it and say a breakdown is happening. Like stop and identify exactly what is happening here and instead of solving it and jumping into get the answer and fix it – first SEE IT before you solve it. Then the second thing is be receptive and checking your emotions. Especially you moms, you ladies out there who the first thing is you want to get upset, you want to be angry, you want to go off, your initial response is always to defend and protect. Right? That’s what we do as human beings. But if we can eliminate that aspect and if we can just reduce our emotions just kicking in immediately (and it’ll happen), and as it’s happening identify them and just check it. I do that self check like, “ok Ali get it together. Take a deep breath, let’s get through this.” Self check the emotions and then know to yourself you’ve got to start understanding that you can’t solve everything in one shot. Solutions can be multitudes of them, and if you attack all of the problems and you use all of the solutions at once it just becomes one big mess. One blob of mess because you’re trying to do this and do that, and do this and do that, all at once. One thing at a time. Get better at one thing at a time. Create a strategy one thing at a time, and then you’ll be able to process it and really really see is it working, is it not working? It gives you a chance to give yourself permission to breathe. Oh my god, you don’t know how I needed to hear that. How I needed to hear that I have to give myself permission to breathe, that I’ve got to check my emotions at times (because sometimes I really really want to go straight up in there), and that I have to understand that I can’t do it all in one shot. One thing at a time, solving one situation applying one new strategy, trying one more thing is what has worked in my past. If I continue to just tap back into that and continue to use it then I know success will happen and results will get better and get done faster, because we’re going deep and wide.
Y’all this was another Dr. Ali Griffith Show – Mindset, Meditation, and Motivation where, if anything, I want you to do out there: please make sure you’re subscribing, make sure you’re sharing with your friends. Congratulations! We have reached over 1,000 downloads as of this date. It’s been fun just talking and sharing with you, and inviting you into my world where you too can use some of the practices that I use everyday, some of the lessons that I’ve learned, some of the problems and drama that I’ve faced, you can know that you’re not alone in this, and me just helping US to become better people each week. Make sure you stayed tuned and listen in on Friday, next Friday. Friday’s are the days when I drop all the new releases. If you’re subscribed you’ll get it immediately, so definitely, definitely, definitely that is the point of subscribing. You want to make sure to share this with your friends so that you can have conversations about becoming better. You can always stay in that space of growth, – not in that space of being less, and being less, and being less – and taking in everything. Remember in everything that you do: be au-mazing in your thoughts, in your words, and in your actions. Thanks for joining another Dr. Ali Griffith Show. See you next time!
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