Dr. “Ali” Alisha Griffith is an Autism Mom, Communication Expert (Audiologist and Speech Pathologist), Best Selling Author, IGNITE Coach and Transformational Speaker and Trainer. She provides coaching to teach individuals and caregivers how to become effective listeners, foster stronger relationships and get ignited and focused. Her best-selling book can be purchased by clicking here.
Parents who have children on the spectrum face a different set of challenges while raising their autistic children, and many find that discipline is one of the biggest challenges of all. Even amongst children with an ASD, one child’s behavior may be completely different than the next. For this reason, do not get discouraged when some of these strategies or techniques don’t work with your child- it takes some time, learning and patience to understand what will work best with your Au-mazing gift.
So you want to learn more about how to do deal with these behavioral challenges with a child with Autism…but you kind of want them to still have their “way”. Many parents who are new to dealing with the diagnosis, may want to “give in” to their children’s wants and needs. Dr. Ali suggests the following tips to regain structure in your home.
Why children with Autism Spectrum Disorder behave in challenging ways
There are many different ways that children and teenagers with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) might behave. Some of these reasons include:
They may be anxious.
They may have trouble understanding what’s happening around them.
They may not have effective ways to display their own wants and needs, causing frustration.
They could be very anxious
They could be sensory sensitive, which causes an oversensitivity to noise or a need for sensory stimulation.
They could want to escape that situation or activities that is causing them distress.
First Steps to Take
Safety is important and the number one priority. Try to remove your child from the situation as soon as possible and ensure they’re safe before doing anything.
Try to journal every time your child has an outburst. What behaviors are reoccurring? What trends do you see? Is there something or someone that is consistently involved when he has an outburst? Maybe he knows if he screams, he knows it will be an easy way to get him out of a situation he doesn’t want to be in. Try to find the patterns.
Instead of focusing on punishment, try to focus on rewarding good behavior. Try to remain calm when your child does act up, and try changing the language you are using. Instead of yelling to stop doing something, just tell him what he should not be doing. For example, instead of saying “don’t hit your brother” say “put your hand down”.
Structure with Follow Through
Structure with follow through.
If you have a guideline or rule, state it clearly and follow through. Dr. Ali says, “If you keep breaking the rules..if you keep feeling bad, or saying ‘Oh, maybe not today’… if you change the structure in the routine continuously because of how you feel you’re going to see more behavioral challenges. Why? Because you let [them] have what they wanted last time…. Or they respond [in anger] and you have not claimed authority in that conversation. If you start younger, at the point where they’re newly diagnosed, if you start at the point where they have more ability to listen, then you will be able to implement these strategies and tools immediately. Using more visual queues, with an authoritative voice with staying within your constraints. You let them know, ‘I am mom. This is what it is. There is no option with this choice.’
Dr. Ali goes on to say that it’s important for parents to know when it’s appropriate to provide “choices”. The key still remains, how do they respond? How are the immediate response when things are not going their way? If their response is to hit, bite, scream then you are not achieving a response that you want from your child. Now it’s time to start changing things around, which means it’s time to regain authority in the situation.
Write this down: I am this authoritative person in this situation.
Once you create the structure you have to follow through. If you keep changing things, they’re not going to take you seriously.
Communicate through the process. Have to let the m now this is what happen, and a result of this, it’ll be this consequence. A consequence can be something great.
Do you have specific behavioral challenges?
If you are dealing with specific behavioral challenges that you are going through with your child, don’t worry! Dr. Ali provides further guidance through her parenting coaching. Get a free 15 minute consultation to get started.
Do you need to get started with an Autism Facebook Group?
We always welcome new members! You can visit facebook.com/autismacceptancefest
Just click the button below and click “Join Group”
You will be sure to receive ongoing support, tips and tools and weekly information from me, Dr. Ali and the many, many parents that are members of the group!
Dr. “Ali” Alisha Griffith is an Autism Mom, Communication Expert (Audiologist and Speech Pathologist), Best Selling Author, IGNITE Coach and Transformational Speaker and Trainer. She provides coaching to teach individuals and caregivers how to become effective listeners, foster stronger relationships and get ignited and focused. Her best-selling book can be purchased by clicking here.
I wanted to discuss the importance of Autism support groups and how you can go about finding support for you. I understand the feelings you may be experiencing since I felt them myself. When I first was told about my son, Zachary’s diagnosis, I didn’t know where to look or where to turn. I didn’t speak to many people and I kept mostly to myself and walked around as if everything was fine even though on the inside…I was going through hell. Being an audiologist, speech pathologist working with families on an ongoing basis, many people expected that I would already be an expert in this field of “support”…but it’s so different when you’re on the receiving end.
I’m here to tell you today that there is a way to find support. In fact, I’m going to provide you with 5 tips from my very own handbook.
Tip 1
When I first heard about Zachary’s diagnosis, I looked towards another parent who was going through the same thing, except their child was much older. That parent already walked their journey through “autism acceptance” and already had the tips and tools I needed for Zachary since their child was older. My first tip to you is to find someone like this in your life. You will be able to relate to a parent with a child who has Autism, and they may even guide you on some parenting skills they have learned.
Tip 2
The second step I took was to reach out to schools. Now, most schools or institutions will have programs and therapy for different children on the spectrum and different ranges. They often times have support groups you can join, and if they don’t have it within the facility they will have access to where you can get it.
Tip 3
This may sound like a no-brainer, but GOOGLE! Sometimes parents don’t realize how simple it is to find support groups if they just go looking for it. Many websites have directories like Eventbrite, showcase upcoming Autism related events around you. So get online, type in Google and see where the activities are around your neighbourhood. Look up terms like “upcoming autism events in Brooklyn” or “parenting with autism events in Brooklyn” to find the best activities near you.
Which brings me to my next tip…
Tip 4
Getting involved in activities with your child! As you take your child to an activity with special needs or autism guess what? That’s where the parents are..and the place where you will get more support.
For me personally, I have my So Smart Kids Program (http://www.sosmartkids.com/) which is a socialisation martial arts and therapy program in New York. I established this for my parents to go where kids can learn more about wellness martial arts and structure in a fun place.
Better yet, this was a great place for parents to meet other parents! Back to tip 1, one of the best support systems you have is other parents experiencing the same thing. My program was the perfect time for my parents to get together with each other. While we were teaching on the mat, I would glance up and I would see the parents talking with each other and that became another source of support.
Tip 5
Now this last one is a really juicy one. Want to know the next place you can get a support group?SOCIAL MEDIA! When I first got started, there’s one I joined just to get more information that has over 10,000 followers in the group. Some people may feel timid at first asking for advice or support, but don’t you worry there’s always a parent just like you going through the same thing.
Do you need to get started with an Autism Facebook Group?
We always welcome new members! You can visit facebook.com/autismacceptancefest
Just click the button below and click “Join Group”
You will be sure to receive ongoing support, tips and tools and weekly information from me, Dr. Ali and the many, many parents that are members of the group!
If you need more support, you can feel free to reach out about one on one coaching. I offer 15 minutes free consultations so if you want to have a chat, and see if individual coaching is right for you, feel free to reach out using the link below.
Relationships are hard work. Whether it be a romantic relationship, a friendship or familial relationship, they require a mutual understanding and commitment to loving one another. Likewise, loving someone with Autism requires additional recognition in some areas that may not be so obvious.
Many people throughout the U.S. have a loved one with Autism. Studies show that it is one of the fastest-growing development disorders in the U.S. and it now affects 1 in 68 children. People with ASD (autism spectrum disorders) face enormous challenges. There are many cases where Autism goes undiagnosed or unrecognized but if sufferers get the right kind of support and encouragement, it can make an enormous difference. This being said, this Valentine’s Day I want to spread the “love” for our Autism loved ones. Not only can we broadcast our love for our Autism loved ones so that they DO get recognized but also so we can help others understand how to show loved ones with Autism continued love and support.
The reason campaigns like this are important is to spread awareness and providing resources our loved ones need to promote inclusion among everyone. The more people learn about these differences and are able to embrace them, the better people they will be able to meet.
Share in the campaign by posting a video on YOUR social media and #ILOVESOMEONEWITHAUTISM and #Au-Mazing
It’s February, which we all know is the month of love. Everyone around us is talking about love, chocolates and Valentines Day. This is why it’s more important than ever to discuss love vs. hate concerning your Autism children.
Dr. Griffith says, “I feel like this our way of connecting with others….especially when it comes to children on the spectrum. They love very strongly and completely on the opposite, they hate really strongly.” Dr. Griffith shares some tips and tools to identify with can help Autism parents recognize the things their children love and hate, which help better improve their relationships with them.
Things they Love #1: Specific Interest
What’s that one topic area of interest or one thing your child absolutely loves to talk about? Play with? Be immersed with? Can spend their entire day life minute speaking about? When you find out what that one thing is, then that’s an easy way to have the conversation with them and create a relationship. Most kids on the spectrum will have an area that they love..whether this be dinosaurs or transportation. Dr. Griffith encourages you to find out what is that one thing your child absolutely lovesand help this tighten your bond with your child.
Things they LOVE #2: Schedules
As Dr. Griffith discussed in a talk, schedules are crucial for children on the spectrum. Keeping your Au-mazing child on a schedule can make your life and their life so much smoother. Dr. Griffith says, “They know without knowing the time that 8 o’clock is when the bus comes. I don’t know if you ever noticed that even before they knew the time, they knew when the bus was coming, or its lunch time…they also know when it’s time to do it’s a specific activity they love. Way before Zachary knew the time, he was able to come and tell me ‘Mom it’s my break time’ or ‘Mom its tablet time’ because he used to learn tips and tricks to know when it was time. ”
Things they LOVE #3: SMILING
“Our kids connect a lot from smiling…from deep, deep down. they can connect through smiles..when I mean smiles I mean when you get together with them and you create that relationship and you get that smile from them, it lights up everything around you.”
Dr. Griffith encourages parents to “Find out how they smile, what makes them smiles, how many things can you do to get them to smile.”
Time spent with your Au-mazing child can mean the world to a child on the spectrum, so when you get that smile, it’s something that they love to do.
While Dr. Griffith does not like discussing hate, she emphasized that when kids hate, they really hate. This is why it’s important to recognize what your children love to hate, so this can improve your relationship as well.
Quick three things that they hate:
Love to hate #1: Something new. “If they are used to doing a specific routine, and you throw into something that is completely new… you’re going to see their face light up. Their immediate response may be negative. What you have to do is prepare them ahead of time that something new is going to happen or when something new happens, you can reassure them by saying it’s not so bad.”
“You’re moving that foreign concept of something new, something they’re not ready for or throws them off of whatever routine they have in their head to try to embrace by letting them know it’s not so bad”
Love to hate #2: Throwing them off schedule: “You’re going to get fits and reactions from them…something completely unexpected happen and you have no description of why it’s happening you going to get responses, crying, behaviors, reactions because here comes something off schedule.”
Love to hate #3: “The last thing they absolutely hate is a mean-spirited person. They don’t have to say much or do much, but if you have a mean-spirited person around a child with Autism. they feel it, they know it and they will respond to it. Even though you may think they’re always in their own world and you may think they’re not paying attention to what’s going on, when there’s a mean spirit person in the area they don’t like it and you will see responses in the child so pay attention to some of the things they don’t like. If you know some of the things they hate, and you can try and avoid that then you’re going to have easier ways of communication easier ways of connecting and an easier relationship with your child. So start being more aware”
Dr. Griffith encourages parents with children on the spectrum to learn what their children love and love to hate during this month of love so you can try to identify changes in the relationship that you have with your child.
Dr. “Ali” Alisha Griffith is an Autism Mom, Communication Expert (Audiologist and Speech Pathologist), Best Selling Author, IGNITE Coach and Transformational Speaker and Trainer. She provides coaching to teach individuals and caregivers how to become effective listeners, foster stronger relationships and get ignited and focused. Her best-selling book can be purchased by clicking here.
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