Behavioral Issues with Autistic Children
Dr. “Ali” Alisha Griffith is an Autism Mom, Communication Expert (Audiologist and Speech Pathologist), Best Selling Author, IGNITE Coach and Transformational Speaker and Trainer. She provides coaching to teach individuals and caregivers how to become effective listeners, foster stronger relationships and get ignited and focused. Her best-selling book can be purchased by clicking here.
Parents who have children on the spectrum face a different set of challenges while raising their autistic children, and many find that discipline is one of the biggest challenges of all. Even amongst children with an ASD, one child’s behavior may be completely different than the next. For this reason, do not get discouraged when some of these strategies or techniques don’t work with your child- it takes some time, learning and patience to understand what will work best with your Au-mazing gift.
So you want to learn more about how to do deal with these behavioral challenges with a child with Autism…but you kind of want them to still have their “way”. Many parents who are new to dealing with the diagnosis, may want to “give in” to their children’s wants and needs. Dr. Ali suggests the following tips to regain structure in your home.
Why children with Autism Spectrum Disorder behave in challenging ways
There are many different ways that children and teenagers with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) might behave. Some of these reasons include:
- They may be anxious.
- They may have trouble understanding what’s happening around them.
- They may not have effective ways to display their own wants and needs, causing frustration.
- They could be very anxious
- They could be sensory sensitive, which causes an oversensitivity to noise or a need for sensory stimulation.
- They could want to escape that situation or activities that is causing them distress.
First Steps to Take
- Safety is important and the number one priority. Try to remove your child from the situation as soon as possible and ensure they’re safe before doing anything.
- Try to journal every time your child has an outburst. What behaviors are reoccurring? What trends do you see? Is there something or someone that is consistently involved when he has an outburst? Maybe he knows if he screams, he knows it will be an easy way to get him out of a situation he doesn’t want to be in. Try to find the patterns.
- Instead of focusing on punishment, try to focus on rewarding good behavior. Try to remain calm when your child does act up, and try changing the language you are using. Instead of yelling to stop doing something, just tell him what he should not be doing. For example, instead of saying “don’t hit your brother” say “put your hand down”.
Structure with Follow Through
Structure with follow through.
If you have a guideline or rule, state it clearly and follow through. Dr. Ali says, “If you keep breaking the rules..if you keep feeling bad, or saying ‘Oh, maybe not today’… if you change the structure in the routine continuously because of how you feel you’re going to see more behavioral challenges. Why? Because you let [them] have what they wanted last time…. Or they respond [in anger] and you have not claimed authority in that conversation. If you start younger, at the point where they’re newly diagnosed, if you start at the point where they have more ability to listen, then you will be able to implement these strategies and tools immediately. Using more visual queues, with an authoritative voice with staying within your constraints. You let them know, ‘I am mom. This is what it is. There is no option with this choice.’
Dr. Ali goes on to say that it’s important for parents to know when it’s appropriate to provide “choices”. The key still remains, how do they respond? How are the immediate response when things are not going their way? If their response is to hit, bite, scream then you are not achieving a response that you want from your child. Now it’s time to start changing things around, which means it’s time to regain authority in the situation.
Write this down: I am this authoritative person in this situation.
Once you create the structure you have to follow through. If you keep changing things, they’re not going to take you seriously.
Communicate through the process. Have to let the m now this is what happen, and a result of this, it’ll be this consequence. A consequence can be something great.
Do you have specific behavioral challenges?
If you are dealing with specific behavioral challenges that you are going through with your child, don’t worry! Dr. Ali provides further guidance through her parenting coaching. Get a free 15 minute consultation to get started.
Do you need to get started with an Autism Facebook Group?
We always welcome new members! You can visit facebook.com/autismacceptancefest
Just click the button below and click “Join Group”
You will be sure to receive ongoing support, tips and tools and weekly information from me, Dr. Ali and the many, many parents that are members of the group!
5 Ways to Find Support Groups
Dr. “Ali” Alisha Griffith is an Autism Mom, Communication Expert (Audiologist and Speech Pathologist), Best Selling Author, IGNITE Coach and Transformational Speaker and Trainer. She provides coaching to teach individuals and caregivers how to become effective listeners, foster stronger relationships and get ignited and focused. Her best-selling book can be purchased by clicking here.
I wanted to discuss the importance of Autism support groups and how you can go about finding support for you. I understand the feelings you may be experiencing since I felt them myself. When I first was told about my son, Zachary’s diagnosis, I didn’t know where to look or where to turn. I didn’t speak to many people and I kept mostly to myself and walked around as if everything was fine even though on the inside…I was going through hell. Being an audiologist, speech pathologist working with families on an ongoing basis, many people expected that I would already be an expert in this field of “support”…but it’s so different when you’re on the receiving end.
I’m here to tell you today that there is a way to find support. In fact, I’m going to provide you with 5 tips from my very own handbook.
Tip 1
When I first heard about Zachary’s diagnosis, I looked towards another parent who was going through the same thing, except their child was much older. That parent already walked their journey through “autism acceptance” and already had the tips and tools I needed for Zachary since their child was older. My first tip to you is to find someone like this in your life. You will be able to relate to a parent with a child who has Autism, and they may even guide you on some parenting skills they have learned.
Tip 2
The second step I took was to reach out to schools. Now, most schools or institutions will have programs and therapy for different children on the spectrum and different ranges. They often times have support groups you can join, and if they don’t have it within the facility they will have access to where you can get it.
Tip 3
This may sound like a no-brainer, but GOOGLE! Sometimes parents don’t realize how simple it is to find support groups if they just go looking for it. Many websites have directories like Eventbrite, showcase upcoming Autism related events around you. So get online, type in Google and see where the activities are around your neighbourhood. Look up terms like “upcoming autism events in Brooklyn” or “parenting with autism events in Brooklyn” to find the best activities near you.
Which brings me to my next tip…
Tip 4
Getting involved in activities with your child! As you take your child to an activity with special needs or autism guess what? That’s where the parents are..and the place where you will get more support.
For me personally, I have my So Smart Kids Program (http://www.sosmartkids.com/) which is a socialisation martial arts and therapy program in New York. I established this for my parents to go where kids can learn more about wellness martial arts and structure in a fun place.
Better yet, this was a great place for parents to meet other parents! Back to tip 1, one of the best support systems you have is other parents experiencing the same thing. My program was the perfect time for my parents to get together with each other. While we were teaching on the mat, I would glance up and I would see the parents talking with each other and that became another source of support.
Tip 5
Now this last one is a really juicy one. Want to know the next place you can get a support group?SOCIAL MEDIA! When I first got started, there’s one I joined just to get more information that has over 10,000 followers in the group. Some people may feel timid at first asking for advice or support, but don’t you worry there’s always a parent just like you going through the same thing.
Do you need to get started with an Autism Facebook Group?
We always welcome new members! You can visit facebook.com/autismacceptancefest
Just click the button below and click “Join Group”
You will be sure to receive ongoing support, tips and tools and weekly information from me, Dr. Ali and the many, many parents that are members of the group!
If you need more support, you can feel free to reach out about one on one coaching. I offer 15 minutes free consultations so if you want to have a chat, and see if individual coaching is right for you, feel free to reach out using the link below.
Don’t worry, we’re in this together.
Let’s Talk Autism: LOVE
It’s February, which we all know is the month of love. Everyone around us is talking about love, chocolates and Valentines Day. This is why it’s more important than ever to discuss love vs. hate concerning your Autism children.
Dr. Griffith says, “I feel like this our way of connecting with others….especially when it comes to children on the spectrum. They love very strongly and completely on the opposite, they hate really strongly.” Dr. Griffith shares some tips and tools to identify with can help Autism parents recognize the things their children love and hate, which help better improve their relationships with them.
Things they Love #1: Specific Interest
What’s that one topic area of interest or one thing your child absolutely loves to talk about? Play with? Be immersed with? Can spend their entire day life minute speaking about? When you find out what that one thing is, then that’s an easy way to have the conversation with them and create a relationship. Most kids on the spectrum will have an area that they love..whether this be dinosaurs or transportation. Dr. Griffith encourages you to find out what is that one thing your child absolutely loves and help this tighten your bond with your child.
Things they LOVE #2: Schedules
As Dr. Griffith discussed in a talk, schedules are crucial for children on the spectrum. Keeping your Au-mazing child on a schedule can make your life and their life so much smoother. Dr. Griffith says, “They know without knowing the time that 8 o’clock is when the bus comes. I don’t know if you ever noticed that even before they knew the time, they knew when the bus was coming, or its lunch time…they also know when it’s time to do it’s a specific activity they love. Way before Zachary knew the time, he was able to come and tell me ‘Mom it’s my break time’ or ‘Mom its tablet time’ because he used to learn tips and tricks to know when it was time. ”
Things they LOVE #3: SMILING
“Our kids connect a lot from smiling…from deep, deep down. they can connect through smiles..when I mean smiles I mean when you get together with them and you create that relationship and you get that smile from them, it lights up everything around you.”
Dr. Griffith encourages parents to “Find out how they smile, what makes them smiles, how many things can you do to get them to smile.”
Time spent with your Au-mazing child can mean the world to a child on the spectrum, so when you get that smile, it’s something that they love to do.
While Dr. Griffith does not like discussing hate, she emphasized that when kids hate, they really hate. This is why it’s important to recognize what your children love to hate, so this can improve your relationship as well.
Quick three things that they hate:
Love to hate #1: Something new. “If they are used to doing a specific routine, and you throw into something that is completely new… you’re going to see their face light up. Their immediate response may be negative. What you have to do is prepare them ahead of time that something new is going to happen or when something new happens, you can reassure them by saying it’s not so bad.”
“You’re moving that foreign concept of something new, something they’re not ready for or throws them off of whatever routine they have in their head to try to embrace by letting them know it’s not so bad”
Love to hate #2: Throwing them off schedule: “You’re going to get fits and reactions from them…something completely unexpected happen and you have no description of why it’s happening you going to get responses, crying, behaviors, reactions because here comes something off schedule.”
Love to hate #3: “The last thing they absolutely hate is a mean-spirited person. They don’t have to say much or do much, but if you have a mean-spirited person around a child with Autism. they feel it, they know it and they will respond to it. Even though you may think they’re always in their own world and you may think they’re not paying attention to what’s going on, when there’s a mean spirit person in the area they don’t like it and you will see responses in the child so pay attention to some of the things they don’t like. If you know some of the things they hate, and you can try and avoid that then you’re going to have easier ways of communication easier ways of connecting and an easier relationship with your child. So start being more aware”
Dr. Griffith encourages parents with children on the spectrum to learn what their children love and love to hate during this month of love so you can try to identify changes in the relationship that you have with your child.
Dr. “Ali” Alisha Griffith is an Autism Mom, Communication Expert (Audiologist and Speech Pathologist), Best Selling Author, IGNITE Coach and Transformational Speaker and Trainer. She provides coaching to teach individuals and caregivers how to become effective listeners, foster stronger relationships and get ignited and focused. Her best-selling book can be purchased by clicking here.
3 Ways Autism Parents Can Balance Work and Family
The struggle for work-life balance is not a new issue. More moms than ever are in the workforce and faced with the task of juggling a full-time job, while still having the time and energy to be there for their children. Now, parents with Autistic children are many times faced with even more demands, such as attending additional therapy appointments, behavioural issues to attend to at school, and their children not sleeping through the night. This can have a large effect on their work productivity and growth, and cause even greater issues for them in the future. So how do we balance trying to have a job? An occupation? And still be an autism mom?
Dr. Ali Griffith is no stranger to the overwhelming demands this can have on working parents. Being a mother of Zachary, who is on the spectrum, she faced many of the same issues in the workplace. “I remembered when Zachary was first diagnosed and I didn’t tell many people at my workplace that he was on the Spectrum….They may have seen [some of the signs] but I wasn’t telling anyone. I wasn’t walking towards anyone staying ‘Hey guys, Zachary’s now diagnosed. This is what’s going on in my household.’ I walked around a lot with a smile on my face but I was still going through so many questions. Why? How? Then, I was dealing with a lot of issues at home. One of the main things was that he was not sleeping through the night.
“His sleep pattern was so off..I’m talking 12 hours a night. How did that affect me at work? I was tired. I was constantly tired. I feel like there wasn’t enough sleep that I could ever get and then that also made me easily irritable.. because, you know, it’s kind of goes hand in hand.. if you’re not getting enough sleep then what’s going to come next is that you’re going to be easily irritable. So that was me at work just going through the motions, but I’m sure I’m wasn’t a pleasant person to hang out with.'”
Being not just an Autism mom, but an Autism Parenting Coach as well, Dr. Ali shares three tips to help those parents who may be overwhelmed by these challenges in the workplace. Some of the signs of an Autism parent may be: calling out from work early, coming in late, excessive tiredness at work. It is her belief that if we can educate employers, then we can start finding tools, strategies and tips that can help to make our environment more conducive.
Challenge: Excessive Tiredness at work
Do you often find yourself barely able to stay awake at work? Do you feel your eyelids drooping because you stayed up so late with your child the night before? As Dr. Ali stated above, she had her own experiences with excessive tiredness at work because of her son not sleeping through the night. This caused her to be tired at work, which would then affect her productivity and her relationships in the workplace. So how do you combat this?
Solution: Take a Break
“Use your lunch time to take a break… literally take a break. This may be the only time where you can go back to your car, put your head on the table and just take a nap. Make sure you eat a quick lunch because it’s important but just take that time to catch some zzz’s. Just make sure you set your alarm to wake up because you want to make sure you get back in time.” Sleep affects how productive you are in the workplace, and catching some extra sleep when you have pockets of time may help more than you know.
Challenge: Handling a work schedule with so many interruptions and appointments
If you’re an Autism mom, it’s likely that you have to deal with additional appointments or interruptions which may affect your routine work schedule. You may think to yourself, how am I supposed to get all of this done?
Solution: Talk to your boss or supervisor.
Dr. Ali suggests, “Sit down with your supervisor or and or your co-workers and say ‘Hey this is my situation at home, this is why my schedule can sometimes be off. How can I make that [extra time] up?’ You may have to come in early on some days, and other days you may have to leave late. There even may be days that you may have to work on a weekend which isn’t planned. I’m not saying it’s the best, [most] ideal thing to do but if you want to keep that job and if that job is very important to you then you have to think of alternative ways that you can give in time.”
It may be easy for your co-workers or supervisor to immediately assume your to blame for your poor work performance or odd schedule. They may surprise you and be more understanding than you think once you explain your situation more thoroughly and get them to understand that you’re not calling out late or leaving early because you want to but in fact because you have exceptional needs. Sometimes talking about it makes this process a lot easier.
Another way Dr. Ali makes the best use of her time is what she calls, “flex time”. “One of the things I like to do is use flex time..so whenever I know Zachary is with his dad or in therapy I use that time to try and get some extra work done.”
Challenge: We come across as a less desirable employee due to pent up emotions.
As an autism parent, it’s easy to feel as if you’re alone and not want to reach out to those around you about any challenges you face. The biggest issue with this, however, is that it comes out in other ways. “You can’t keep carrying this on your shoulders because it comes out as anger. It comes out as rage. It comes out as an employee that no one wants to work with.”
Solution: Dr. Ali suggests finding two or three people that you trust the most.
“You often see us alone. We’re loners. Kind of like our kids. Why? Because we don’t have anyone that we feel comfortable speaking to. We’re not really expressing what’s really going on at home so this is is an opportunity to find at least one or two people that you can talk to. Try and figure: ‘Who do you trust the most?’ and ‘How can I tell if a little bit more about my life outside of the work environment?’. Yes, I get it. Most people feel like work and home are separate but if you’re spending about 7-8 hours in a job then somehow the cross interference happens and how can you make it easier for you? In the end of all [of this], we’re trying to find out how can we make it a little easier for you… because when you go home you have other challenges to deal with.”
Dr. “Ali” Alisha Griffith is an Autism Mom, Communication Expert (Audiologist and Speech Pathologist), Best Selling Author, IGNITE Coach and Transformational Speaker and Trainer. She provides coaching to teach individuals and caregivers how to become effective listeners, foster stronger relationships and get ignited and focused. Her best-selling book can be purchased by clicking here.
3 Steps to Navigate Autism: A Guide for Parents
Dr. “Ali” Alisha Griffith is an Autism Mom, Communication Expert (Audiologist and Speech Pathologist), Best Selling Author, IGNITE Coach and Transformational Speaker and Trainer. She provides coaching to teach individuals and caregivers how to become effective listeners, foster stronger relationships and get ignited and focused.
Dr. Ali Griffith encourages parents and caregivers of children with Autism to take the necessary steps to “navigate this process called Autism”.
Step 1: Take a few minutes every day for YOU. Take a deep breath and try these relaxing principles every day. As an Aumazing Autism Mom to an 11-year-old, Dr. Griffith knows what it’s like to have a constant day to day whirlwind in her home. “My tip to you today is to create 5-10 minutes every day where you create a relaxed mind. Some people journal, meditate, or pray.” Dr. Griffith encourages everyone to find an outlet in order to find this relaxed state.
Why is this important? “When you are at an ease and a relaxed state or mindset then your child will come to where you are.” Remaining calm and matter-of-fact while a child scream does not come easily to anyone, least of all to someone already feeling unable to cope. Yet screaming back will likely only escalate the situation, spinning a child with little ability to self-regulate further out of control.
Dr. Griffith says, “This journey has its ups and downs and scary moments, but today we’re going to speak about you working on you. Create a few minutes for YOU.”
Strategies for Success
- Yoga
- Meditation
- Journaling
- Goal Setting
- Join like-minded Groups on social media and online forums
- Exercise
Step two: Setting your intentions. You may be asking yourself what Dr. Ali means by this. “Setting your intentions is writing down what you want to have accomplished whether it be today, this week or this year.” Dr. Griffith believes it’s important to write down what is you want to accomplish in the near future so you have a goal to aim for whether it be large or small such as booking three appointments for your child or not crying or getting impatient. Start creating and getting control back by setting these intentions on paper: create a to-do list or a chart and mark off when you achieve each goal you set for yourself. What is it you want out of your day, week or year? Write it down.
Step three: Accept your Aumazingness. Accept that this is your role, your a mom, grandma dad etc. your the person that is going to help make sense. It’s a heavy load to bear but you’re the one. Accept it. Once you begin to accept it you will start getting into motion. You won’t feel so helpless, it helps you to feel so out of control. And more into the fact that I’m going to accept whats happening here and my role in this.
Taking care of a child with Autism can be a rollercoaster, but you are not alone. Join Dr. Ali Griffith’s Facebook group to engage with other like minded moms as they go through the journey together.
Need additional help? Dr. Griffith provides coaching to help you with this process.
Autism’s most-obvious signs tend to appear between 2 and 3 years of age. In some cases, it can be diagnosed as early as 18 months. Some developmental delays associated with autism can be identified and addressed even earlier. See if your child exhibits the early signs and symptoms.
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