This blog post is a transcription of episode 7 of The. Dr. Ali Griffith Show – Care Enough to BE Positive and DO IT. If you’d rather listen instead of read, the links to the podcast are below!
What’s up, what’s up, what is up? Welcome to the Dr. Ali Griffith show – Mindset, Meditation and Motivation. In today’s episode we’re going to be speaking about some of my mantras and what has helped me to get through some of the darkest moments in my life. Yes, I believe we should all have them. I’m going to share a little about where mine came from and how I use them throughout my life in so many different aspects.
My first mantra I learned in third grade, and it was from my favorite teacher at that time, Mrs. Johnson. She was very strict. We came in and she would always have these different rules and things we had to do. She was also one of those teachers that said I speak too much – look where that got me right? I remember her telling us this Hallmark note and it said, “when you care enough give your very best.” I kept wondering why, why, why is this mantra so so memorable to me? At that time she meant when you care enough to give your very best in your homework and the presentations that we gave in school. I thought that was only going to be used in an academic setting, but then I started to realize that I really adapted that mantra throughout my life where whatever I did, whenever I gave up myself, I knew that I wanted to demonstrate that I care enough to give my very best.
So sit back and think of what was that mantra that you may have learned earlier in your life when you were a child, because this was third grade .. what was I, like i was 8 or 9? Still, somehow these words seemed to resonate throughout my life and they still are impacting the choices I make now. Even in this podcast, because whatever I do, whatever I leave for you guys, I want to make sure that you are getting my very best. If you want to borrow that mantra, go for it because it is definitely one that can help you to think twice about what you are doing, about what you’re producing.
My second mantra I learned around high school. I went to Clara Barton High School, which is in Brooklyn. (Shout out to all those that went to Clara Barton!) It was a school for medical sciences. When I went to that school, one of my friends introduced me to this after school program. We would take the train and head out to Manhattan, and when we got there there were a bunch of different kids from all over New York City – from Brooklyn, from Queens, Long Island, The Bronx, Harlem. When we got together the name of the program was called City Kids, and we would just discuss things that were going on in our environment. I loved because it was the perfect time to get out of Brooklyn and finally see other things, and listen to other kids, and find out what was going on in their lives. At the end of each session we would hold hands together and we would say, “keep a positive thought because a positive thought cannot be denied.” I did not realize that I would be using this same mantra throughout my life when I was faced with different obstacles.
You know I was married and things didn’t work out the way it was. In fact, it was tough on me. I mean it’s you know, marriage. We went through a point where I started to feel really horrible about myself, my own self esteem, I started to question my thoughts. That was a really, really dark time in my life. Even though you know I was this person of light, at that moment I felt so dark and having any positive thought was just thew furthest thing from my mind. I was just in a slump of negative. Then I remember one day being in my room and just asking God (that’s who I serve, my God) you know, what is it that he wants? What is it that I’m supposed to of in my life? I just kept hearing all this negative that, “you’re making the wrong decision, and this is where you’re supposed to be, and you’re just going to have to bare with it.” I remember thinking to myself, hearing those words: keep a positive thought because a positive thought cannot be denied. It began me even through the worst times, the darkest moments of where I could possibly be at that time, saying to myself that, “this too will pass, this cannot remain the same.”
I spoke about this a little bit in my Meditation Au-Moments episode two where this too will pass – when you have to try and be the calm through the storm. So go through and listen to it so you can see some of the meditation tools I used at that time. As I was using that I remember saying to myself, “keep a positive thought Ali.” I kept saying it to myself until I actually began to believe it. It’s not easy, I’m not saying it’s something that just happens automatically, and that you just switch on this light switch and you become positive. It requires a lot of repetition. It requires a lot of believing in yourself. It requires a lot of going down and then coming back up, and then questioning yourself like, “is this really what I’m supposed to do?” You’re going to see that even as you’re doing it, you’re going to have to say it so many times and repeat it so many times. You’ve got to believe it so many times until you start to see the shifts happening. Now, because I’ve practiced “keep a positive thought because a positive life cannot be denied” so much in my life that when those moments of parenting Zachary – and I’m dealing with some incredibly challenging moments, like now he’s this teenager and always has something lippy to say – but just knowing that “keep a positive thought a positive thought cannot be denied” somehow runs through my head and it shifts me back into “ok this is now, we’re going to move past this, it doesn’t stay this way forever.” If I continue with positivity I’m going to get positive results, because that is what my life has continuously shown me. It’s not something I’m making up, it’s the reality of what it is. Now I’m not saying it’s always going to be great. I’m not saying it’s always going to be positive, but you definitely have to have your mantras to help you get through those moments and have things to say to yourselves. So take this time out to just write down, or get really clear on those words, those thoughts, that phrase that’s going to get you through. “I am enough, I can do this.”
Which comes to my third and final mantra. The reason why I decided to share this with you guys is because I did a speaking engagement this week. I was speaking to a group of elementary and junior high school after school teachers, and I asked them, “do you guys have mantras?” And they were like, “uhh no?” In my head I’m like, you need mantras! That’s what really helped me get through this thing called LIFE – just going and picking up, and just holding onto the ones that worked and helped me to get through. So I stopped what we were doing, and said lets look back and start creating our mantras, because no more can you go through life without having those words that are going to get you through the roughest moments of your time. They did it and we went over it, and the words that they shared were so incredible that I said, “yep, this is definitely a podcast, my people out there need to have some.” Definitely take this time to write it down. Put it in your review, put it in your responses, because I’m going to read some of your mantras. It’s important for me to know that you’re listening, and not only that you’re listening, but that you’re being in action
So my last mantra, and for most of you who are a part of my tribe (yes, I have an au-mazing moms tribe), you already know this. The last one is called just DO it. It’s nike, yes I’m giving Nike all the credit for “just do it.” Just do it is the result of this podcast, the Dr. Ali Griffith Show. Just do it is the result of me now speaking on stages internationally in front of hundreds of thousands of people. Just do it is what has helped me to navigate parenting Zachary, who is living with autism. It’s helped in letting me know that I sometimes can’t keep questioning myself, and I have to trust my intuition, and sometimes I just have to go out of the box and just DO it. When you just do it, especially if it is a place where you gave yourself time to meditate, be still, really listen to your inner voice to see if this is really what you’re supposed to do. And you hear it, and it says yes, but somehow that doubt that fear, that negativity that you’ve been raised with all of your life kicks in my head and it tells me, “you can’t do it, they’re not going to listen to you.” Then I just say, “you know what? Just press play. I’m just going to do it.”
That could be partially why I made such boo boo on my first intro for my podcast. I just pressed play and the unedited version came out when I did my launch. You guys know I was totally freaking about that right? Instead of going and getting rid of it, it ended up showing my vulnerability and it ending up showing that, yes I just did it. I launched, and I launched imperfectly, and I launched being Ali. It was like I’m still figuring out this podcast game, I’m still figuring out this game called LIFE, I’m still figuring out how to be a parent. Shucks, I’m still figuring out who and what this Dr.Ali Griffith is going to be. But while I’m figuring it out, I do know three things are for sure. Number one: I am going to care enough to give my very best in whatever I do. Number two: I know without a shadow of a doubt when I have the hardest moments in my life and I’m feeling like crap, that I am going to keep a positive thought because a positive thought, no matter, what cannot be denied. I believe that, like I believe that, like I believe that. Number three: when I’m at that crossroad and I’m getting ready to jump into that double dutch and I see the rope going – but somehow that fear comes that if I jump in it’s going to slap me in my head – I’m just going to do it. I’m going to jump in, I’m going to move, and if it stops me and it slaps me in my head, guess what? Here’s your bonus – I’m going to jump out and I’m going to try it again.
So today’s episode was all about my three mantras, and I want to make sure you have your mantras. Like I said earlier, definitely take this time out to leave your reviews, leave your ratings, and definitely write out and send me your mantras. I want to share it with the world, and plus, they let me know that you are in action. If anything else, you know that it’s all about shifting your mindset, igniting your inner fire, and then getting you to make bold, positive, power moves in your lives. It’s ya girl Dr. Ali, and it was such a blessing to come in and share some time with you. Remember to be au-mazing in your thoughts, in your words, and in your actions.
Before I go, I wanted to make sure to invite you to our Au-mazing Moms Wellness Retreat in 2020. We’re going to be on the sandy beaches of Destin, Florida from May 1st – 3rd getting in some much needed rejuvenation and relaxation. We have a special discounted fast action early bird offer right now for a one time payment of $799 OR nine monthly payments of $99. After July 1st those rates are going up, so if you’re ready to soak up some some and replenish your cup sign up now!
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Love you, and I’ll catch you next time. Stay tuned and make sure you go catch another one of these, they are phenomenal!
Links to listen to the Dr. Ali Griffith Show:
This blog post is a transcription of Episode 6 of The Dr. Ali Griffith Show – From Fear to FREEdom. If you’d rather listen instead of read, the links to the podcast are below!
What’s up what’s up, what is up? Welcome to the Dr. Ali Griffith Show – Mindset, Motivation, and Meditation. Today we’re going to talk about from fear to FREEdom. I’m so excited to have you here. Hopefully by now you’ve checked out the other episodes, from Unsubscribing From Negativity, to Intro to Dr. Ali where you get to know a little about me, you should be hearing it by now. So take this time out to subscribe so that whenever I drop or release a new episode you will get first hand information about it. Also take some time out to leave your rates and reviews. I have a cool contest going on right now, at the time of this recording, where you’ll be eligible to win a watch – a cool autism flex watch, or you can win an au-mazing shirt, or you can win a gift card. So make sure you’re subscribed, that you’re leaving us some rates, and definitely leave the reviews. I look forward to reading them! When you leave a review it means you’re now eligible to win one of those au-mazing gifts.
So as we step into from fear to moving towards freedom, it makes me think of how I felt just starting this today. Starting this podcast has just been such a rollercoaster of emotions, and what really took it to the next level where I was so nervous about releasing it was FEAR. I was nervous of what others would think, I was nervous about letting my life out and having everyone having access into who I am, like the REAL Ali. Even the mistakes, even the mishaps and all of the bloopers, you get to see what the real Ali is all about. For most of us, I know for me, it’s kind of tough because we go through the world and everyone doesn’t get to see the behind the scenes of what it really takes to get to where we are. The reason why I brought up fear is because in almost every amazing major step that I have made, and every major progress and win that I have received, have been done through moving through fear. Now don’t get me wrong, before we have the fear, before I had the fear, it came with a lot of hesitation. It came with a lot of questioning of whether it’s the right or wrong thing to do. What others would think? Then I just started to realize that over time if I kept myself stuck in fear, then nothing would’ve gotten accomplished. Nothing would’ve happened.
Fear can really hold us back from who we truly are if you really think about it, because we allow our own selves to say that we’re not good enough, or to tell us that others will say something negative. For some reason we’ll always move toward the negative when we think about what others will think. At least that’s what we do initially, until we start to learn better. So it makes me remember when I started my martial arts program, it’s called So Smart Kids. We help children with autism and other special needs regulate their bodies and have fun being their quirky selves, and it’s also a cool space for moms. It’s nice to see it on this end where it’s now happening and I get the support of my partner Philip Sheehy (I always gotta make sure I give credit where credit is due). We run that at Vee Arnis Jitsu in Brooklyn, NY. So if you ever hear sound behind me that is the authentic New York sound where there’s always traffic, there’s always some siren that’s passing. I’m not going to edit that out because that’s where I’m from. I’m from Brooklyn, I’m always representing Brooklyn, NY.
It took three years before I even made a goal with that project. I remember knowing that I wanted Zachary, who’s my son living with autism, at that time he was around the age of 6 or 7. He was having all this energy and I still wouldn’t have a source where he could actually release this energy, so I had to move towards finding a program. All the ones I found lacked the one thing I was really looking for for him. Most parents with kids on the spectrum, we want our kids to have more socialization skills. As a speech language pathologist and audiologist by trade, that was SO important for me because he knew how to have dialogue with me, but there was always difficulty having communication with others. So I wanted to have a program where there were others that he could socialize with, and I couldn’t find a program like that. Being the fact that I was a black belt, I thought maybe I should create something where they can have fun – I can still teach them structure, and he can start learning more about socializing with other kids. You would think this is something where I would’ve went straight into action ….. absolutely not. I held this concept in my head for about 2 to 3 years. I was going around and around with it. I actually had it way before then when he was diagnosed, and I started to think “wouldn’t it be great if I could do something like this?” But every time I thought I could do something like this, it would be that negative person – my own self saying “no you can’t, that’s crazy, that’s dumb. that doesn’t make sense.” I don’t know if you guys experience that when you have those excellent ideas, or those ideas that are just out of the box. I like to call them excellent because now I know better. I thought to myself “if I do this would they come?” I kept questioning myself, if I do this would I get others to really come and bring their kids also? Or would it just be a program just with Zachary? I knew I didn’t want it to be with just him because how is it going to be socialization if its just him??
I remembered having lunch with a friend, and she’s one of the female sensei’s in the dojo, her name is Leah. We were talking, you know we had a really rough day of class and we went to have some drinks and some food, and we were talking. I said “I have an idea and I was thinking of maybe starting a program for kids with special needs like Zachary.” And she sat and she said “wow that’s a really really great idea!” And I said, “yeah ok, you’re just saying that because you’re my friend.” She said, “no Alisha, that’s a really really good idea.” So that was the first person that actually made me feel like it was really a good idea. After a while she even mentioned who I should mention this to, Philip Sheehy, who at the time was a sensei. After speaking to him, and him having a nephew on the spectrum, he was like, “yeah let’s move forward with this, let’s go!” After running it by all these people and hearing the “yes let’s go,” that actually gave me ammunition towards moving forward with it. But before moving forward with it, there came this big, gigantic FEAR.
So I took the word fear and I acronymed it to show you how I was going through the fear then. The fear before I did my Master’s, before I got married, before I got divorced, before I did this podcast. You know this fear that keeps showing up, and showing up, and guess what, showing up again? I started to realize the F in fear meant I felt out of control. It meant I didn’t have any control over what it looked like on the other side. That’s scary when you don’t know what it looks like on the other side and you only know one side . And that side looks really, really good, and the other side is like, “oh what if they don’t like me? What if they do think the worst?”
The E was for some reason we always tend to expect the worst right? Instead of thinking they’re going to like it, our first thought is “they’re not going to like it.” I don’t know if that’s just me, because until I began to learn how to shift – and I started taking personal development classes and coaching, and really working into who I am as a person and realizing that negativity comes to me first – my first thoughts were “I’m just going to expect the worst.” That was the first thing that came up to me was that they were going to think the worst.
Then I had to realize the A in it meant that I was nervous and I couldn’t go around the growth of the next level. It was like I couldn’t go around the corner, I couldn’t see the next level, I couldn’t get to that aspect of what does it really look like? When I couldn’t see it because I was so stuck into what the negative things were that people would think, it made me want to run – that’s the R in fear. So yes, my feelings of not knowing what was around the corner, my expectations of the worst, my believing of what was around the bend was not going to be what I knew or I just didn’t have any idea, and then because of that I didn’t do it or I stayed stagnant.
These are some of the things that came up to me as I was taking the word FEAR and breaking it down. Another thing that fear really meant for me as I really began to do my self work was fear is actually faith turned backwards. Like it was not having faith, it was the total opposite of having faith. Since I’m a christian, and I’m not sure which denomination you may choose if you choose, but if you have faith in something else other than you, then you can’t stay stuck in fear because that’s the total opposite of having faith. THAT began my journey towards freedom.
FREEdom is when I started to step out, when I started to be bold. I started to learn how to follow my intentions, oh my god my intuition, my intentions, the things that I wanted. Knowing that i wanted well, knowing that my intuition will lead me right and really trusting into my intuition. Then also allowing myself to rise to every occasion. Every minute that there was a purpose instead of shrinking – and I told this story earlier how really when I began working and doing volunteer work with Motivating the Masses, which was along side Lisa Nichols and my other mentor Susie Garter, I would go in that community and I would totally shrink myself. Like I would just go, I would be quiet, and I would just take it all in. So Lisa brought it up to me and she was like, “Dr. Ali why are you always shrinking yourself? You’re always going back, back, back.” It made me realize that when I was around other people that I knew the whole world came to see, that I knew everyone knew about them, it made me want to think less of myself. And that’s not fair right? I had to start really, really, really learning how to rise to every single occasion that was given to me. Now that was a lesson and that’s an ongoing process of self work that I’m continuously working on myself.
Then instead of expecting the worst, I started learning how to expect nothing. When you expect nothing you can’t be disappointed. Just go into it, be present with it. Have fun with it like I’m doing with this podcast. Like I do when I’m looking at your reviews – which is another thing, please remember to leave your reviews and subscribe – I have fun because I stopped expecting much out of anything, I just come in and just do it because it’s just me.
In the end what freedom feels like to me is just truly embracing me. Embracing all of me, embracing everything that is just me. Now when we start to embrace ourselves, when I started to embrace myself, that’s what real freedom started to look like to me. Instead of staying stuck in fear, instead of running from things, instead of feeling anticipation and not knowing what’s around the corner and expecting the worst, and always feeling out of control … I had to start learning how to start following my intentions and my intuition. I had to learn how to rise to every occasion that was given to me. It was GIVEN to me. I worked hard for this. This didn’t just happen over night. Me having this podcast didn’t just happen over night. I worked hard for everything that came into this even through the mistakes, even through it not being perfect, I’m still here. I’m learning to have no expectations. I expect nothing. All I want too do is be present in this moment. All I want you to do is be present in this moment. And out of everything, embrace who you really, really, really are.
I appreciate you staying tuned, and listening, and watching, and just being part of the whole Dr. Ali Griffith Show. As we continue to unfold, continue to leave your rates, your reviews, your comments, and subscribe. Make sure that you’re staying part of this energy that’s going on here. Be part of this development process with me. Be part of it not being perfect. Be part of the growth that you’re going to see, to know that you were in here listening before all the other things that are coming ahead. The greatness that is ahead is so, so, so exciting to me. Now make sure you’re subscribed so you get a notification of when the next podcast is being dropped, you’re going to want to catch that. I’m also going to be posting the live from when we did my first podcast live, could you believe it?? First week into the podcast and here I am doing a live! So I’m going to post that so you can hear more about that conversation, that was SO dope. You have to subscribe so you can have access to that. Always, always, always … remember, remember, remember – you gotta stay true to YOU. Stay true to you, continue listening and unsubscribing to negativity, make sure you’re always subscribing to positivity. Out of anything else, be kind to you and all of the things you have ahead of you. It’s Dr. Ali and thank you for being part of the Dr. Ali Griffith Show!
Links to listen to The Dr. Ali Griffith Show:
This blog post is a transcription of The Dr. Ali Griffith Show Episode 5 – Subscribe to Positivity. If you’d rather listen than read, scroll to the bottom to find links to the episode!
What’s up, what’s up, what is up? It’s your girl Dr. Ali Griffith and welcome to the Dr. Ali Griffith Show – Mindset, Meditation, and Motivation. I’m so excited to have you with me here today as we finally tie into the unsubscribing from negativity and moving towards subscribing to positivity.
I want to remind you that now’s a chance for you to leave your reviews for me. I’m going to need you to listen to some of the other podcasts, or if you’ve listened before, take some time out and leave a review. I am putting together an au-mazing prize package where I’m going to pull a few of the reviews. First, I’m going to read some of them in the next podcast I record, so that I can let you guys know that I’m seeing your reviews. So everyone definitely leave your reviews so that you can get the opportunity of me mentioning it, or just letting you know that I’m so grateful that you’ve poured into that. I’m also running a contest where I’m going to enter your name into a box and you have three au-mazing gifts you can win. You can either get the grand prize which is a gift card, the second prize is going to be an autism watch (it’s super dope and really really cool), and the third prize is an au-mazing t-shirt (whether it say be au-mazing or au-mazing gift). When you leave a review that’s your automatic entrance into the contest!
So let’s talk about subscribing to positivity. On the last podcast, I gave some examples on why it was so important for me to unsubscribe from the negativity that was around me. I got so tired that everywhere I looked, every place I went to, it just seemed like it was crowded with negativity. It was crowded with the bad news, it was crowded with people thinking the worst out of the worst. For me it got and of frustrating, because here I am as an autism mom, I already have this challenge that I’m dealing with where I don’t know how he’s going to be when he comes home from school, or when he wakes up in the morning I’m not exactly sure what responses I’m going to get for the day with communication breakdowns or whatever is going to happen that day. Dealing with my own challenges and then coming out to the world, or going around to people in the world, and constantly being bombarded by negativity … it got so frustrating. I started to realize it was affecting my parenting. It was affecting my parenting, it was affecting how I engaged with my friends. Honestly it was just a place I didn’t want to be in anymore. So I used some of the strategies – go back and listen, you’ll hear some more about what it takes or what you can do to start to unsubscribe from negativity – but then I couldn’t stay in just this place of homeostasis, in this place of “I’m just there.” I don’t know if any of you are feeling that way right now where you just feel like “I’m just here, I’m not negativity, I’m not positive, I’m just here like a block.” So I wanted to leave you with some of the things that I use to help me to move from those zones of negativity, and now how do you move toward that other side which is POSITIVE.
I had to remember the first thing I needed to do was always always SELF WORK. What is it that I need to do within myself so that I can start identifying what exactly that positivity looked like to me? I had to know, well, did I want to be this happy cheery person? Did I want to be always thinking good thoughts? I didn’t want to be this ridiculous person walking around with a big smile on my face that was fake. But I know inside I needed to start to learn some things that would allow me to really start approaching life differently. The one thing I noticed was when I had a positive mindset, more positive would come. What I would notice specifically was when I shifted my mindset towards autism, and I did the personal work, and I started to realize that I couldn’t stay with this attitude of autism being something being dawned on me like the worst thing ever. I had to start learning that this child, my child, is a GIFT. I started to look for the things that he was doing better, or he was doing different, and that he had for his strengths. So if these were his strengths, why not look at that as a space of positive instead of looking at the things that he couldn’t do?
This is some of the work I stated to do with myself, but the key really was ME. It was how I wanted to feel with parenting. I looked back at it, and I realized that parenting at the beginning was not so easy. I don’t know if you remember when we had to get up early in the morning … and I was saying to myself, “they say every two hours is fine for breastfeeding, and I’m like but I just put my head down to sleep and here we go and it’s time for breastfeeding again that wasn’t two hours it felt like just an hour … because there’s a half an hour to prepare, half an hour to get them ready. By the time they’re finished drinking for that half an hour and you put them down, it’s like an hour goes by and it’s time to do that again.” So that part of parenting was not fun. I didn’t want to get stuck in only thinking of what was not fun. When I noticed that he was doing things differently and I was comparing him to everyone else, it made parenting not fun. So I had to shift my mindset. I had to start doing the work within myself to realize what does it look like for me to be in this situation of parenting – or it could be a job, or it can be starting a business – what does it feel like and what do I want it to feel like within myself? That began my first step. my first techniques/strategy towards subscribing to positivity. First looking to how is it that I want to feel and what can I do to shift my feelings from that place of doom – where everything was on me, where I felt like the world was on my shoulders, where literally I felt dark – to now coming to a space of light. And light felt GOOD. Light felt good on the outside, it felt good on the inside, it felt good with the responses I was getting, and it felt good when I was with myself during those quiet moments.
Another thing I had to do was to begin to shift the things that I was saying. I actually had to create a list of shifters. They’re things that I use when immediate things happen in life. I don’t want you to think that I’m telling you that bad doesn’t happen – bad is going to happen. Things you don’t expect are going to happen. The unexpected, the derailment off of where you were going, the “I came home and the worst is upon the worst.” – but when those things are happening, how do we shift out of that? How do we not allow that to continuously build and take us to a space of where we don’t want to be? Like physically, mentally ,emotionally, spiritually, you know this is not the best space for where you want to be in your life. I had to create a list of shifters. Here’s what my shifters look like: it look like I can be on a beach with a piña colada in my hand every single day. That’s my visual. That’s where I am when things start to go array, when the unexpected starts to happen, when Zachary starts to have his breakdown … immediately I start to think, “ok on the beach piña colada in my hand.” I can see it, I can feel it, shucks, I can even TASTE it. This is the moment that I’m starting to shift myself out of whatever is happening at that moment.
So take some time out and create your list of shifters, use visuals, a lot of people use affirmations. I like affirmations because it helps me to take back my POWER. The affirmations I use go with “I am____.” This may come from the training with motivating the masses, my personal development training, me receiving my own coaching, etc. Phrasing “I am ____,” with where I want to be. I am power. I am joy. I am light. When I own those things, when I say those things – even when I’m not quite feeling it, even when I’m not quite at that place of believing it – I say it until I begin to feel that shift towards it. So use your visualizations, use your words. Then sometimes you have to physically remove yourself and place yourself into light. Another thing I do is sometimes when it’s really gloomy on the outside – like you look outside and it looks like dark, dreary, the WORST. I’m not sure if many of us like those days, I know I don’t – and I realized that the weather plays a huge affect on my mood. I’ve noticed that for Zachary as an autism parent, I’ve noticed that for me, I’ve noticed that for my clients – that when you have a physical environment where outside is full of drear, gloom, snow, rain … it affects your mood, it affects how you feel. So I would put on the brightest color. Yes, I would put on yellow, and I would put on pink, and I would put on all these vibrant colors so that I could physically feel that visual shift that’s happening around me and I can create a shift out of the environmental, or the gloom that is around me in terms of weather. I also have a bracelet and these bracelets I wear on my hands and they will be something visual that sometimes I just look at it and it makes me smile. I have a client that told me that she has her nails done, and when she looks at her nails they make her smile. She actually makes her nails into something that is a visual reminder for where she wants to be for subscribing to positivity. So use some of these strategies, think of which one will work best for you, and start subscribing to where you want to feel and be. Subscribe yourself to POSITIVITY.
The last thing I’m going to leave you with, because this was definitely one that had to jolt me out of reality, was shifting my environment in terms of people who I surrounded myself with. Now I spoke about the other end when I spoke about unsubscribing from negativity last week where I had to remove myself from marriages, relationships, conversations with my mom, or other really close people who I really love and admire … but it was just not a good space for me to be around. If you’re going to remove yourself from that, then you want to put yourself around the people who have that light about them. It’s something about them in which they don’t have to say much, they just have to just BE and they just make you feel good. I’ve been told before that I could just come into a room and I don’t have to say much. and they can feel my light. Now that didn’t take overnight to happen, TRUST ME. I went through a lot a lot of work. Working on how to create this light, and that light I spoke about in some of the examples earlier. When you listen to things like this, like this podcast – create a list of other podcasts, or other shows, or other things that you need to listen into your ears that will help you to shift out of things. So as an audiologist I’m super big into listening. Audio is the epitome for me. What you hear resonates throughout your system as wave forms. Let me not get too geeky with you because you know I can take this all the way to geek time, to the geekdom level! Just know that the sounds you hear resonates through the body. The sounds that you’re hearing with me now when you hear my meditation track, you’re going to see how it resonates through your system and it can help you shift from feeling negative and moving towards light – moving towards that space where you want to be, subscribing back to positivity.
Besides things that we’re going to listen to, we also want to have control over, or we want to be around people that are light. I mentioned it before how some people choose to be around me. Sometimes I am NOT the light because I am going through moments. I’ll be so real, and like – I will be dealing with Zachary going through an airport, and my mom was having her concerns, and friends are texting, and everyone is wanting something from me at that moment, and I am at that moment NOY light. I actually am as far away from light as possible. But when I start to recognize it within myself (and this is the part where I really want you to tap into) that you have to be able to see and feel what feels negativity is in your soul and your spirit, and then what feels positive and how do you get yourself towards that. Sometimes it’s just by being around that circle, that space, that group of girlfriends. I’ve got my girlfriends that can hold me down when I’m feeling array. I have places I can go, I have people I can call. I have a list of those shifters that I use in my life continuously. I use my mom too, because she’s a praying woman. So when I start going off into an array, even though I spoke about negative times, that woman can pray me back into positivity because she takes me back into that stage of GRATITUDE. Once you’re in gratitude, you can’t go anywhere else but staying in the light.
The last thing I needed from myself, and I’ll explain to how that happened, was I got coaching. I had to realize that I couldn’t do it within my immediate circle. They were good for the basics, but for the really, really, really tough things, I needed a coach to help me through that. I needed to learn the tools and the techniques – some of what I’m sharing with you now. There’s so much more in to getting to how to keep this place of light. So don’t discredit coaching because you don’t know about it. I didn’t know about it before either! All I knew about was going to school, getting a degree, and going to make money. I didn’t realize that there were people out there that have the capacity to help me to learn the tools and techniques to get through these moments that are increasingly challenging, because its called #LIFE. See within yourself who do you need to be around? What do you need to listen to? Do you need a coach? If you do, definitely look into my website. I do have coaching positions for a selected few if we are in alignment. You can go to www.draligriffith.com. If it’s not me, then find someone else that resonates well with you that you know this is where you need to help you to take you towards your next best self. Now THAT is subscribing to positivity.
I want to thank you for just hanging out with me today and just listening to this. I want to thank you for allowing me to fill your ears with joy and stories of my life. Thank you for subscribing to the Dr. Ali Griffith Show, and also for sharing this with your friends. So definitely subscribe, definitely rate it and review it, and then go out there and share this with people out there. People don’t know what they don’t know. So if they don’t know it, then they’ll stay stuck where they are. And YOU my dear, YOU can make a difference between a day being full of gloom, and a day having possibilities of better. Thank you for joining the Dr. Ali Griffith show. Now go out there and be AU-MAZING in your thoughts, your words, and your deeds. I want to thank the Much Better space for letting me record today in their facility. Definitely follow them at wearemuchdifferent.com
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What’s up, what’s up, what is up? Welcome to the Dr. Ali Griffith Show – Mindset, Meditation, and Motivation. We are at episode 4 already and I can’t believe it! Today we’re going to be talking about “Unsubscribe From Negativity.”
One of the main reasons I wanted to speak about this today is because I had a wonderful press release, and it actually got picked up by the CW, ABC, NBC, CBS – all these places where increased eyes were going to be seeing all this information about how is it that I unsubscribe from negativity. I said if it’s going to be printed, I needed to hear where that comes from, I needed to know what that looks like. So I had a dope conversation with this au-mazing lady, Minista Jazz. She gave me the opportunity to come and record this at this dope location in Brooklyn. We call it We Are Much Different, or Much Different, but you can find them at wearemuchdifferent.com. So it gave me an opportunity where I get to record and I get to give you a visual on what does unsubscribe from negativity mean to me.
First I just want to thank you for tuning in today. Thank you for watching the other three episodes. Make sure if you haven’t watched it by now you go back in and you watch it because they are super duper dope. I’m hearing wonderful reviews, and it gives me more encouragement to keep going and to keep motivating y’all and sharing my true authentic self. So thank you. Thank you for all the shares, thank you for all the likes, thank you for all the downloads. Keep doing it y’all, I need you to do this because we are all in this together. So when I hear unsubscribe to negativity, what does that mean to me? And as I’m speaking, just think about what does unsubscribe to negativity mean to you.
The first thing I think about is be careful what I watch. We are surrounded, every time we look, every time we turn on the tv, every time we open up our phones, everywhere we look we’re almost saturated with visual negativity. What does that look like? That face that always looks pissed off, that person that always shows that they’re not there with their arms outstretched, but they’re always walking away or just showing you that there’s only negative in the world. When you turn on the TV all you see is negative, bad, bad. Especially in our population with African Americans, or Caribbean Americans, or any sort of minority, but we really know it’s the majority. We turn on the TV and all we see is negativity. So the first thing you’ve got to do y’all is unsubscribe from that. Like I can’t do it anymore, I can’t every time that I turn on the TV that it’s negative.
I started around the age of 8 or 9 when my teacher at that time said that we had to read the Daily News. I’m from Brooklyn, New York, so the Daily News is a big thing out here. I realized every time I read this Daily News all I saw as negative, and I ended up telling my mom I don’t want to keep seeing negative. Nine, ten, eleven … I’m getting older and older and all I see is negativity. What I started to realize is overtime I saw it, I felt it, and then I would show it. So if you are going to start shifting your mindset, if you want to start achieving the high things in life that you want and desire, the first thing you’ve gotta do is reduce, you gotta get rid of, you gotta unsubscribe from that negative ISH that’s in front of you. It could be that person that’s always in front of you, it could be that TV show, or sometimes y’all I get it in my WhatsApp and all I see is negative. So that’s the first thing I’m going to tell you, and that’s the first thing I told myself. Really I’m just bringing y’all in to what I told myself.
The second thing I told myself is watch what I say. You don’t realize the things that come out of our mouths sometimes because we’re busy saying it. It took me really stopping, and growing, and doing personal development, and as I coach my clients, and as I receive my coaching from au-mazing people. I mentioned Lisa Nichols before, I mentioned Doreen Rainey, some other people that have coached me on my personal mindset, personal development. That’s when I began to be more present to what it was that was coming out of my mouth. I started to realize that it was toxic. I thought I was this really good girl, I went to school, I was paying attention, I’m not cursing, so it can’t be negative right? I’m not cursing because I’m not that big on cursing anyway, but piss me off and it will come out don’t worry about that. But I started to realize that I can’t say, I can’t use these words that can hurt someone. I can’t use these words that can hurt me most importantly. Then as I became a mom to Zachary, I can’t use these words that he’s hearing constantly. See, we don’t realize that everyone is affected by the words we’re saying. You can shift a whole mood based on the words that come out of your mouth. So unsubscribe from what you say and start being more alert to listening to what comes out of your mouth.
It’s hard because we were actually raised in a society, or I was raised in a society where you know your mother is just going to say what she’s saying, there is no curb, what she’s thinking she’s going to say. I thought that was normal. I thought thats how everyone was. I thought that’s how I was supposed to live my life – say whatever I want to say, say my thoughts. And not realizing that some of the things that came out of her mouth were so daggone negative. But it wasn’t because she was doing it on purpose y’all. She was doing it because that’s all she knew. That’s all she knew, that’s what she grew up with. That’s what her parents did, that’s what her grandparents did. They responded with what they know. So I want y’all to do something different, we’re going to do something different together. We’re going to start shifting the words that come out of our mouths. Now I’m not saying be perfect. What I’m saying is be mindful of what comes out of our mouths. When you’re doing it just stop and go, “mmm, it doesn’t sound right to whoever is going to hear it, it doesn’t sound right to me right now.” Now I’m not saying it’s going to happen immediately over night, but we can work on it together y’all, because I’m still a work in progress just like you.
The last thing as we’re unsubscribing from this negativity, I’m in such a space, just physically now I’m in such a space of light energy. Y’all gotta come see this place much different. I’m so glad that I get to do episode 4 now right now here, because it really takes me to that projection of where I’m going to go to- which is you’ve got to watch who are the people who you’re around. Unsubscribe your environment from negativity, your immediate surroundings, if that’s your physical space. I know some of y’all are up with that dude that you know that is not for you. Nothing against my ex, I appreciate him, I respect him, and I’m always going to have full respect for him, but when I was married … I remember putting the keys to the door, and as I’m putting the keys to the door and I’m about to walk through this door, I didn’t want to go in because it felt like I was walking in to negative. I was leaving the world of whatever it is that I created for myself, but as I’m opening this door all I’m seeing, all I’m feeling is negative. Now it’s not him, it’s not me, it’s just whatever we created together – our energy together. We’ve got to protect our energy space.
Now if we’ve got to get rid of people, then sometimes we’ve got to get rid of people – or as I like to say, we gotta complete that relationship. The key about all of that is we’ve got to start being present, being mindful of who we choose around us, friends, family members. Sometimes the closest people to us are the most negative around us. As we’re doing our work on ourselves, and we’re working on developing ourselves, and we’re building ourselves, and we’re lifting ourselves, and we’re moving to these levels of where we’re being better … Like right now you’re working on yourself, you’re doing your personal development, you’re listening to this Podcast. You’re here watching what we’re doing and you’re like, “yeah I’m working on myself, or I’m at least trying to work on myself, but then when I get into a certain space or a certain area or a certain group of people, the energy just changes.” And what you’ll see happen is YOU change. Like you went from being this light, positive person and you’re working on self, and then you get in a room, you get in a group environment, and then you feel your energy just shift automatically. BOOM.
I’m asking myself – because this really is just a conversation to me that y’all are just listening in on, I’m just letting y’all in on this head of mine – that I can’t do that anymore. I’ve got to choose who I’m around. Sometimes I’ve got to let go of family. I remember telling my mom once “if you’re coming in my house with negative, don’t come. Because I’m here serving the world, I’m here speaking on stages, I’m here pouring into autism and special needs moms, my clients, my Zachary. Most importantly MY Zachary, and I can’t have this space around him. and I love you to pieces…” And this is my MOM y’all, but I even had to tell her, “if you’re going to come with negative, don’t come.” And she’s come to help me, but when you’ve got to protect your space, when you start realizing how important it is to unsubscribe from the negativity of other people, your family, your energy, your space … sometimes you’ve got to complete things you never thought in a million years you would ever have to complete.
I want you guys to let me know which one of these tips resonated the most with you, which one is the one you feel you have to work on the most. Send me a message, send me a note, hit me up on whichever one of the social medias you want (all of them are @draligriffith). Or send me an email at email@example.com and just let me know which one resonated the most with you today that you’ve got to work on. Leave a comment if you’re reading this on my blog. If you’re listening to the podcast definitely write a response and put it in there.
What we’re going to do is we’re going to start shifting this world y’all, and I’m not doing it by myself. I’m picking you up, that’s why I’m helping you get into my head, so that you can start doing some of the work that I’ve been doing. I will continuously support you. I want you to be working on the same thing. If we all pressed unsubscribed, if we all just look at all our podcasts, look at all our TV stations, look at all our people, look at ourselves, and we just say NO MAS time to unsubscribe. And then we tap into – because that’s going to be another thing we talk about. I’m not going to get into that, but what I’m going to lead you into may be the next podcast or it may be the next visual i do with you – once you unsubscribe from negativity, you’ve got to SUBSCRIBE to POSITIVITY. Now how do you really do that when theres’ not that much around? Until then, work on self work. Work on always, always, always creating and nurturing and protecting our safe space (which is self) and see how you can start making your first step now.
Make sure you are following me next week. I’m going to come in another Friday and drop the next episode. We’re going to talk about now moving in and tapping in to positivity. I can’t leave y’all at only at unsubscribe, because then y’all are going to have nobody to listen to. Then let’s talk about how you prescribe or jump into your positivity. Join me next week. Make sure you support this dope spot I’m in if you’re in Brooklyn. You definitely want to come to Much Different. Yo, this spot is off the freaking chain. I’m just so blessed that Minista Zazz and Our Mic are supporting me with our vision of shifting the world. Hit up my website and see what we’ve got. So share, like, subscribe, download, do all that stuff you gotta do because I need this message to get out to the world. I need you to be my ambassadors so we can start having more people, more children, more people with special needs, more of us start unsubscribing from negativity. I’ll see y’all next week. This is Dr. Ali Griffith, thanks for watching the Dr. Ali Griffith Show – Mindset, Mediation, and Motivation. Deuces.
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Today I wanted to talk about motivating yourself through unexpected challenges. Ooooh it’s gonna be JUICY. But first before we even get there let me tell you a little about me.
I am a mom of a beautiful (at this moment) 12 year old son named Zachary, and he is diagnosed on the autism spectrum. I absolutely enjoy just sharing my journey through being a mompreneur, a speaker, a professional, an audiologist, and a speech pathologist. I’m just a person who loves to share what I have learned through the wonderful experiences of my 42 years of living.
I’m excited to share with you today how I motivate myself through those unexpected challenges because I know many of you out there today are going through something that you totally did not plan. It was not on your agenda of what you were going to be dealing with this year, or this month, or this week, or maybe even this day. I’m sharing so you can learn what works for you, so we can work on getting into the headspace that unexpected things WILL happen. Preventing them isn’t what’s important – it’s how we RESPOND to those moments when unexpected things happen.
The first thing I’m going to share about is the diagnosis that I had with Zachary. Many of you have heard this story before, but for those of you who haven’t I’ll give a little background. I was working as a therapist with early intervention; working in schools, homes, various places; and working with families with different special needs for pretty much close to 10 years before having Zachary. I knew that I was good at what I did. I really chose a field that I enjoy. I enjoy helping people to communicate when they can not. I enjoy helping others to communicate with them when dealing with someone who communicates differently. I just enjoy helping parents connect with their child when they thought they couldn’t. Things are much different when dealing with a special needs child – whether it’s speech delays, auditory delays, or delays in their physical mobilities.
So here I am helping others, and then having this beautiful bouncing baby boy. Now here he is showing me all the things I’d like to say are textbook signs of a child on the spectrum. He was running around flickering the lights on and off. He was lining things up all his trains, anything you give him he would line it up. He had a deep fascination with Thomas the Tank Engine, and even today he loves him some Thomas the Tank Engine. He had difficulties connecting with me and giving me eye contact for extended amount of times. He was just in his own world. Even though he was a boy – and these are some of the things you’re going to say “oh he’s a boy, oh he’s not ready, oh he’s a only child” – he was still showing me that he wasn’t even interested in engaging with others. At times I would call his name and he wouldn’t respond. Now I think THAT for some parents is one of the hardest moments. So as I was seeing these things happening and knowing what it was, but not quite wanting it for my child … Like it can happen for everyone else, but not for MY child. That’s how I felt, I’m just being honest.
When I finally got the diagnosis with him it was shocking. Even though I knew it, I didn’t want to know it. So opening up the letter and seeing the words in front of my face… it took me to a place of despair. It took me to a place where I felt that every dream that I wanted for him had just disappeared in a blink of a second, and I felt completely hopeless. I didn’t know what to do. Well, here’s the good thing – as a therapist I DID know what to do. I knew he needed help, so let’s get him his speech therapy, let’s get him occupational therapy, and whatever other therapies he needed because he needed help. It was clear. He was delayed in so many areas, and yet advanced in other areas. He had the ability to tell you any letter, any sound he could read very early. All these things he did have, but then he was lacking in communication and socialization skills. So I decided to deal with the immediate, which are the present behaviors or the present needs, but I completely forgot how to deal with ME.
Now bringing this to YOU. Now my diagnosis that I had to deal with as a parent was the diagnosis of having a child on the spectrum. Yours may be different. It might be something short term, or it might just be for that exact moment – where you hear that you took a test and your blood sugar is low, or something that you completely did not expect – you are meeting a short term challenge. Some of you might have long term challenges where it is going to be for an extended amount of time. It’s not something that you can just blink and it will go away. There isn’t an immediate answer to it, but its clearly a long term challenge. Then some are pretty much till the end of time. There’s certain diagnosies or certain situations where you know that “I’m pretty much going to have to live with this for the rest of my life.”
So how do we handle those unexpected challenges, or how did I handle it? I can’t speak about you, but I can just share what I’ve done and what I’ve helped others with as I coach or speak or train. I’ve helped them with the diagnosis through educational and experiential learning, these are the things that I’ve learn that have worked for me.
First of all you, have to give yourself permission that it’s happening. A lot of us try to avoid it or run away from it, and I’m holding my hands up! A lot of us try to pretend it is not happening. So we have to give ourselves permission to identify, to accept, to sit in it where we are really taking it in. Like, “oh my goodness this might mean a change in my lifestyle moving forward.” I like to tell you what I did for myself, and here’s what I did: I blamed myself. Something that I did that I want to help you through is to not blame yourself. I blamed myself. I said, “oh my goodness, what if I did this different? What if I stayed at home instead of going back to work earlier? What if I ate differently? What if i didn’t vaccinate him?” All these things I had in my head, the “what ifs.” I had to allow myself to understand that it was not my fault, and it took me a while to get there. So why I’m talking to you about dealing with and motivating yourself through unexpected challenges is because you’re going to hit challenges. You’re going to have moments of hearing a diagnosis, and you’ve got to understand it’s NOT your fault. The minute you begin to shift your mindset towards it not being your fault, then you begin to have a certain connection to it where you can start making moves or working on yourself. Yes, YOURSELF. Not the other person, not the one with the diagnosis, but start working on yourself. Working on how you are going to approach relating, engaging, and helping supporting that person. A lot of it comes back to self work, what do I need to do within myself?
Another unexpected challenge that I had to deal with is that I was married twice. Yes, TWICE. One being Zachary’s dad, and the second one was just marriage. I got married and it did not work out. We were not for each other. You have three different ways of dealing with relationship challenges. They can be the unexpected – like BANG, shot you in your face and you don’t know how to handle it. They can be unplanned – like this was not in our plans, you were supposed to have our white house and our picket fence, and all these plans that we had in our head. Then there is the fact that it’s NECESSARY. The necessary types of relationship challenges that you may need to either grow or grow. Either grow in it or go from it. You’re going to face these challenges.
I know at this moment you’re reading this and I know you’re identifying your specific challenge that you’re dealing with. Identify the same aspect that its not your fault. It’s not your fault whether the relationship is working or not working, and its not their fault. Take the whole fault game out of it. We are so quick to point fingers towards who – you, me, all of us. Take the finger instead of from you or to me, and point it up. Point up towards what it is that you can work on. Do you need to pray and mediate? Up! What are the forward steps you need to do to get through this? Start taking the action steps towards it.
I’m always going to say get help when needed. We got counseling when needed for each situation because we realized we couldn’t do it alone. With the diagnosis many are getting coaching, and many are joining my programs in which they can learn how to work on their self, and then how to work with their child. Understand that you don’t have to do this alone. You can actually get help from people who understand – whether it’s a tribe or a group, or a professional, or coaching, or understanding that “I still have to work on me.” Self help, self work, and self improvement are what’s going to help us to deal through and motivate ourselves when going through unexpected challenges.
The last challenge that I had to deal with, (and I don’t speak about it often, but its real right y’all its real) was depression. We all go through depression. There’s some that are more severe, and those need a diagnosis or more intense support with a psychologist or a psychiatrist. But we all have these periods of depression. I think for some reason someone told us we’re not going to have that. What that may look like are those weekends where you just want to throw the comforter over your head, or you just don’t want to be around people for an extended amount of time. These are challenges that come through our lives when we just don’t even want to WANT, we don’t want to go, we don’t want to do anything. Identifying and accepting it and seeing how long it lasts for … that’s key. If it lasts longer than weeks and it’s going into months, then we know we need to go out there and get the support to help us through this. We need to know once again – I’m going to come back to this because here is the mindset shift that you needed, that I needed, and that the people who you share this or lend this out to need to hear – that it is NOT YOUR FAULT. I wish someone would’ve told me that earlier because i blamed myself for every single thing that I went through. I blamed myself for the diagnosis, I blamed myself for the divorces. Then I blamed myself for the times I didn’t want to do, I didn’t want to empower, I didn’t want to motivate, I didn’t want to help anyone else, I just wanted to BE. I didn’t want to be around people for extended amount of times. Then I would come back and I’m like, “what’s wrong with me?” I would ask myself what’s wrong with you, but I had to realize it’s not a fault thing. I had to start learning the tools and techniques to help me through these moments.
So what I’m leaving you with today as you’re moving forward and as you’re starting to think about these unexpected challenges that are going to face you in your life (because sorry, knock on wood, it’s called LIFE), is learning how to shift, learning how to navigate, learning how to get support as needed, and learning that you don’t have to do this alone. Get a tribe, get a group of other people that can help to pull you up when you’re slipping. Most importantly, I’m going to leave you with this today: raise your hands up and say these three magical words – I NEED HELP. Those are the words that, for some reason, we don’t use. Those are the words that we feel like are curse words, that we’re not supposed to say them. I became a better mom when I began to say, “wait a minute I can’t do this alone. I need your help.” I became a better professional when I realized I can’t do new things alone. I need help, and I get out there and I invest in my help. I get out there and get my coaches in different areas, but it isn’t because I woke up like it. It’s because I fell down so many times that I got tired of falling down. I realized there’s got to be a better way to this, and if there’s a better way to this then why am I not choosing it? I’ve got to be more empowered to make a better choice.
As I leave you and as you’re reflecting over some of the things that you read about today, think about what are you going to do and what you’re going to choose to help you to navigate unexpected challenges. If you can, choose it ahead of time. If you can, choose it knowing that there’s a possibility things may not go the way you planned. I’m not saying be negative, I’m just saying be prepared for the unexpected by giving yourself nourishment. For example, I was getting ready to record my podcast and I made sure I had my water next to me because I know if I talk too much my throat is going to star to hurt and it’s going to start to sound more raspy. So I get prepared by making sure the water is close by. Do the things that you can start activating now so that when the things that have happened in the past show back up, you now know how to handle and how to deal with it and navigate it slightly different. Now I’m not telling you that you’re going to get perfection at the end. But I am going to tell you that if we navigate these tools, if we apply them and use them, then we’re going to see differences in our results. I’m pleased to share with you if you go to my website www.draligriffith.com you’ll see access where I share different tools tips and strategies. I’m sharing some of the things I’ve went through so that you can activate these tips and you can get better results. Don’t we all want better results?
Hang in there make sure you stay tuned for our next post that’s following up. It’s going to be more on mindset, motivation, and meditation, and most importantly for you – activation. It’ll be the bomb.com. Thank you again for reading.
If you’re someone who prefers auditory over visuals, you can listen to my episodes of my podcast, The Dr. Ali Griffith show where I discuss topics exactly like what you’ve read today! Links are below. Make sure you’re subscribed, share it out, and definitely leave a review to let us know how you’re loving it. You can always inbox me to send me information or to let me know what other topics are you interested in us discussing or sharing. Have a fantastic and au-mazing one!
Hey, it’s your girl, Dr. Alisha Griffith, affectionately known as “Dr. Ali.” I’m your autism parenting strategist and ignite coach. I help autism moms, mompreneurs, and aspiring mompreneurs, to shift through the feelings of overwhelm, frustration, and stress, and move towards making bold, brave power moves so you can ignite the results you want and live that ultimate dream life you desire.
Today I’m going to be talking all about that Morning Mindset. Yes, that mindset that you start your morning with is how you can project the rest of your day – the events, your perceptions, and your results, in making that day the BEST day that you can create. I’m going to share with you some things that I use in the morning to help me to realign, to reshift, and to get myself ready for a fun filled packed day ahead.
As moms we wake up ready to go, especially moms that are entrepreneurs. We wake up and we’re ready to tackle the world, to tackle our to do list. We’re ready to check all those things we have to get done. Before we even get there, we have to make sure we are ready to take on what is ahead of us. We need to do some self care, some self work, and some self love before we go out there and give any love to anyone else, before giving any care to anyone else, before giving our attention to all of the other things that are going to take our attention away from ourselves. So I’m sharing with you three steps to creating those critical morning mindset moves.
1. So I’ll start you off with the first thing that I do as I get up in the morning. Most mornings I start with some meditation. I like to use different type of meditative sources. You can choose one that works for you, you might even get to choose one of mine that I’m going to be creating and putting out there so you can use it to start your day off on a positive note.
Meditation is important to me in the morning because it allows me to be still, it allows me to get in touch with what is that I need for me, but most importantly it stops everything. It stops the constant thoughts, the constant planning, the constant moving around, the swirl of madness that happens in our heads. I started to incorporate more meditative processes, and I started mostly with Deepak and Oprah. They actually taught me how to use meditation to really create the positive aspects that I want to happen in my life. Using their tools, techniques, and starts prepared me for the fact that it takes practice. You ever lay down to do meditation and then your mind is swirling into everything else? You’re supposed to stop moving, but somehow you’re still thinking. At first I thought that was so wrong, and I was like, “I can’t meditate, it’s not for me. Every time I do it I’m always thinking about everything else.” Then I had to learn that like everything else it requires what? PRACTICE.
So I couldn’t give up on myself, On the days when I did stray away I gave myself permission to come back in when I noticed it was happening. They have a technique where they give you a certain word, or a few words, that you’re saying in your head where once you feel yourself coming out of alignment or thinking of other things, you use that to kind of zone you in and center back in. I do a lot of similar things in terms of meditation that I do when I’m not using it. I choose that one word or phrase that I need to help me to focus that day, even if sometimes the word is just “focus.”
Whatever you need to use to help you to come back in, then use that! Some people will use a specific visual, some people will use a specific word or phrase, but the key is to give yourself permission to stop moving, to allow yourself to focus on something else besides your to do list, and then to really get your mind ready for what is ahead of you. Sometimes you just have to create a blank slate for the day. I think about it as an artist – before they get ready to paint on their canvas they start with a blank slate. So each morning start your day on a blank slate. That’s what I do, and I’ve noticed it’s accelerated my results. Instead of getting up and being ready to go, I get up first, I wait, slow down, be still, and THEN go.
2. Then I like to visualize exactly what it is that I want for the day, what I want to create. That’s step number 2: visualize the results of what we want. Sometimes I visualize a happy smile at the end, or a hug from Zachary, or success at something that I want to create, or the feeling of what I’m going to have at the end of the day. It’s really a way of setting yourself up for success by starting your morning with a specific routine that allows you to tap back into self before you pour back into others.
I hope some of you are writing this down or at least really responding with your soul, your spirit, and your heart space to create your own way. I love to share my way, but like I said, I started with the Deepak and Oprah, THEN I started to create my own. That’s what I want you to do. I want you start with something that is tried and true, and then incorporate your own, incorporate your own uniqueness, incorporate what works for you.
Visualize the results, visualize the end matter, visualize the end feeling so that you have something of a positive aspect towards whatever decision or steps that you make for the day.
3. That leads us into step number 3, those two magical words: THANK YOU. It’s pretty much how I start my day. As I take one foot out of the bed and I place it on the floor I say “thank.” As I place the other one on the ground I say “you.” We have to learn to start beginning our day, our process, our journey for whatever is ahead with GRATITUDE. We have to be grateful for whatever the moment is at this time. It could be thankful for being awake, thankful for being alive, thankful that I actually have two feet to place on the ground and that they’re working. For those who do not, then whatever way you use to come out of the bed, as you come out still use the words “thank you.” You may not have the ability of feet, but you have the ability of hands, you have the ability of thoughts, you have the ability of feelings. Whatever it is that your specific circumstances are, you have to remember to give thanks.
I do a lot of this with Zachary, my son the autism spectrum. He’s now moving into 13 which you know is this teenage age. So he is at the stage now where he is immediately thinking of what’s not right, or his mind is constantly thinking of what he has to do. I said, “Wait a minute, wait a minute. We have to stop and we have to be thankful for what we can do. We have to be thankful for the things we have accomplished, and we have to be thankful for the now, for the present.”
I believe as parents, I believe as individuals, as humans – if we really start to incorporate being grateful, verbalizing it out loud, showing what thankfulness is – then we can begin showing others around us how gratitude and saying thank you, actions and meditation, and setting your mind in the right space so you can move forward in your day is so important.
We’re busy living in our day, and we’re busy with the nuances of what we have to get done, what we have to get accomplished to do things. And that’s fine because that’s LIFE. I’m not saying that that’s not going to occur, but what I am saying is that we can approach it in a DIFFERENT WAY. We can approach it in a way that we set ourselves up for success. Then when challenges come up we have the tools, strategies, and techniques to help us do kick through them or move past them. But before we even start with the challenges, before we even start with the wins, before we even start with the movement of the day, let’s start creating a morning mindset routine.
So that’s what I leave you here with. As you’re moving forward from today create your morning mindset routine. Look within yourself and see what is it that I can do that can set me forth for success for today. Make sure it doesn’t always include someone. We’re always thinking we have to do things FOR others, we have to do things WITH others. We have to learn to make sure we’re doing that self care for OURSELVES. We have to make sure that we’re pouring into ourselves and creating our own strategies.
The key of it all is to make sure you are creating that time and space for yourself and you’re putting some visualizations into actions. If you don’t see where you want to go, if you don’t see your aspect of success, if you don’t see the feeling and actually internalize within itself, then it just feels like its empty out there and it’s just waving around in the sky and the universe just as energy. So it’s our way of connecting with ourselves and connecting with the energy of where we want to go.
I’m so excited that you chose to spend the last few minutes reading this. What I want to leave you with is definitely make sure you get the 15 Secret Tips to Au-mazing Success available on my website on this time. Just visit the homepage and fill out the pop-up form to get it for free today! I share this information with you because I needed it. I share this with you because I know if you utilize these in different aspects of your life, you ARE going to see the change and the results.
Also make sure you follow my new podcast, The Dr. Ali Griffith Show! I discuss all things mindset, meditation, motivation, life as an autism mom, the challenges of life on the autism spectrum, divorce, depression, the good AND the bad. I keep it real and juicy y’all. I discuss topics like I have in this blog post today but in so much more detail. Check it out and make sure to subscribe, share it with your friends and family, and send me feedback!
What I’m excited about letting you guys know today is all about me. Who IS this Dr. Ali?
Officially to most I’m Alisha Griffith, and somehow affectionately (it was actually birthed from my coach Lisa Nichols) I became Dr Ali.
I am that down Brooklyn girl that is birthed from Caribbean parents. Both of my parents are from Guyana, which is a beautiful country in South America. I also have been highly impacted by my step dad, or my other dad, and he is from Trinidad. So I have this distinct accent. Even though I have these Caribbean roots, I was actually born in a small town called Still Water, Oklahoma. That’s where my parents went for grad school. They actually received a scholarship from Guyana, and they came up to do their Masters in the U.S.
Then they had this beautiful, bouncing, lively baby girl on September 6th, 1976. Yes, I’m ok saying what year and date I was born because I was actually born on Labor Day y’all. This is the time of the year that you will ALWAYS see me celebrating my birthday. In Brooklyn Labor Day is a big Caribbean experience. There’s lots of parties, lots of introduction to our different Caribbean islands, and it’s just a fun time. That speaks a lot about me – I love to have fun, i love Soca, I love dancing, I just love celebrating life.
It wasn’t always like this. I had a childhood where my parents separated at a very young age. It was very difficult for my mom, and I saw her going through life almost in that state of always having to fight to survive. As a child I remember trying to do everything I could do so I wouldn’t bring her any additional pain. I know for a major part of my life that there was pain, you could feel it. You didn’t have to say it, but you could feel her pain.
So that started my journey to perfectionism, the first big thing I want you to know about me. Yes, I was going to be this perfect child, this perfect girl who was going to go to school and listen to her mom. I did it mostly because I wanted to be a source of joy for her.
So I sit down and I think about “how does that apply to my mindset?” From a young age, I shifted my mindset from being someone else towards being this perfect person, and really trying my best to be that light for my mom. That really began this mindset work. As I sit down and I reflect, I now realize that began the work to where I started creating strategies in my head of what I needed to do to be that perfect child.
Fast forward ahead, I pretty much had that same concept for my son. Here I am, I’m pregnant, I pretty much did things the way I’m supposed to do. I went to school, I took my prenatals. Now here I am doing the things that I think are supposed to be “perfect,” having a child and expecting him to be perfect. Now the roles are reversed. There I was, trying to be perfect for my mom, and now thinking I’m going to have the perfect child.
Well, I was rudely awakened with the fact that he was diagnosed to be on the autism spectrum. I’ll get into a lot of the stories and details and how I dealt with that situation in the future, but the key I wanted you guys to know about me is that there was this place of perfection that was ingrained in me. I don’t know if any of you guys feel that out there, where you’re looking for this place of perfection and you pretty much want everyone else around you to be perfect and live up to the standards of what YOU think they should be doing.
Fast forward to knowing that my son was not perfect. He LOOKED what I thought was perfect – he had two eyes working, nose was working, mouth was working, ten fingers, tend toes. But now he’s dealing with a different a ability, a different way that he was going to have to traverse life. That began the reality of there was NO SUCH THING AS PERFECTION.
Boom. That hit me.
If anything else could have hit me in my life, that was one of the things that made me realize I didn’t have to be perfect, neither did I need him to be perfect. I stopped expecting everyone else around me to be perfect.
In future blog posts I’ll talk a little more about strategies I’ve used overcoming the obstacles in my life. Through me sharing what I’ve gone through and sharing the strategies I’ve learned along the way, just realizing thats just the way my brain was set up – I always see strategy results, I see graphs in my head, I see the reason behind certain things.
Then applying how it is to go through divorces, how it is to go through feeling completely abandoned, and now how it is to parent a child that does things so uniquely different that no textbook, no amount of education or training is ever going to prepare you for. I’m sure you can use that same comparison to what’s going on in your life, whether its special needs, or a health challenge, or a mental or a spiritual challenge. Some of the strategies I’m going to share with you I know will help you because it helped me, and it helps many others when I get the opportunity to go speak.
Another thing I learned about me is I was a leader from the get go. I was always the leader in the pack. I was always the one who was striking out on my own and doing something that was uniquely different. Then somehow people were always going, “hey that looks pretty cool, I’m going to come follow that too.” I never understood what it was that made me a leader. I don’t think I was just necessarily born ingrained a leader, I just think my mindset was that of “why not, like lets give it a try.” I was curious about ideas and actually implementing them, so I would have the idea and I would do it. Yes I failed a lot of times, and yes I made a lot of errors along the way, but I also got a lot of wins through this. What I began to realize is that when I turned around I would see others doing the same.
I remember specifically when I was in a step class when I was in my upper 20’s. I was stepping away, and I would stop and take a sip of water, and my instructor came up to me one day after class and he was like, “Ali every time you stop people stop around you.” I’m like “what are you talking about? I’m just here to step, I’m not here to lead. I’m not here to do anything like that. I’m just here to have a good time.” He said, “No, I want you to take look at that. Take a look at what’s happening around you.”
I’m telling you this because I want you to understand where that mindset shift towards being a leader really kicked in. When he told me to look around and notice that when I stop others stop to get water, and that when I powered through others were powering through with me – at that moment it was the beginning.
Now being an example for positive also works for negative. So if I’m going to stop, if I’m going to give up on myself, look around to see who’s watching because others are going to do the same. Boom.
I know someone out there just really internalized that part of knowing that you are a leader because you were placed here to lead in your unique gifts. The minute you stop, the minute you give up on yourself the minute you tell yourself i can’t, is the moment others around you are impacted with your decision.
The last thing I wanted to share with you about Dr. Ali is that I have the ability to connect with people. What showed me this is the fact that when I speak you listen, and when I listen you speak. As simple as that sounds, it’s what made me realize why I connected so well with others. I started to realize through my experiences, challenges, growth, wins and loses, that my voice matters. And so does yours. As I began to listen more (did i mention that I’m a speech pathologist and audiologist?) it really made me understand not only the science of peeking and listening, but the art and the humanitarian aspect. It made me understand why we need to improve our listening, and why we have to think twice before we speak – because others are listening, they are tuning in.
I connect through speaking, I connect through listening, and most importantly I connect through the heart. My heart space is one of my big gifts that I have, I have a gigantic heart. My Zachary was given this same heart. So imagine him being his unique quirky self, and now having this big gigantic heart.
In the future you’re going to get to learn some more about that, and you’re going to get to hear from Zachary himself.
So what I ask of you today is to do me a favor. I just poured into you, can you do me a favor and pour back into me? Take this and share it with five other friends or family members that you know need to hear this. Leave comments below and tell me how you feel.
One more favor I have to ask is for you to check out my brand new podcast, The Dr. Ali Griffith Show. I’ll be sharing more stories like the one you’ve read today in more depth about me, my son Zachary, and all things mindset, motivation, and meditation. I’m figuring it out along the way and I don’t have all the answers. This is not going to be perfect, because guess what? I took that perfection thing I was trying to do and threw that out the window and just say “take me as I am.” And I’m hoping you do the same.
If you’re ready to unsubscribe from the negativity in your life, listen to the Dr. Ali Griffith Show:
Hi, it’s your girl Dr. Alisha Griffith, affectionately known as “Dr. Ali.” I am your autism parenting strategist and ignite coach. I help autism moms, mompreneurs, and aspiring mompreneurs, to shift through the feelings of overwhelm, frustration, and stress, and move towards making bold, brave power moves so you can ignite the results you want and live that ultimate dream life you desire.
My first tip to dealing with behavioral issues that you should START immediately. You want to develop key systems and structure within your home as soon as possible. In order to create calm within your home, you must come out of pause and press play. To accomplish this, acknowledge this is what you are working on right now, get all interested or physically started by creating a guideline with a simple straightforward follow through.
If you start this when your child is younger or newly diagnosed, then you’ll be able to implement different strategies easier as they get older.
My second tip is to use an authoritative voice within your constraints. A major part of speaking to them with authority is them knowing and respecting the roles in the relationship. You as the adult, them as a child. So, when it comes to responding to authoritative voices, the rules of engagement are now established. It is clear and evident that you are the mom and there is no option or choice with this matter.
Third tip involves creating simple choice making. You also need to know when the times are right to provide choices. However, the major key is “how do they respond.” How do they respond when things aren’t going their way? If their response is to bite, scream or hit, then that’s not the response you should want. This is when you need to remind them you are the authority figure. Reclaim your power by providing simple options to choose from as solutions.
Fourth tip is to create structure, and most importantly, follow through once you can create and reinforce it best. Try to avoid stretching, bending and changing things because you feel bad. This will result in them looking at you and saying, “She’s not serious.” The biggest mistake that you want to avoid is to give in to their needs or constantly change the structure. If you continue to change or give in, chances are you will have more behavioral challenges.
Why? Because you let them have what they wanted, which is often outside of structure and follow through responses. This then breaks down the structure you spent time building. In their minds they may be saying “But you let me do it last time” or they are saying they’re angry and you have not yet claimed authority in that conversation.
The fifth and most critical tip is to learn how to communicate throughout the process. This includes rewards and consequences. You have to let them know that: this is what happened, and as a result of it, this will be this consequence. The consequence could be something great: They listen to what you had to say, now they get a reward. Or the consequence could be nope they are not doing what needs to be done, so hold off the reward and have a conversation with them about their outcomes.
It’s time to take back that reign and give it tough love. Stop feeling the guilt and letting them do what they want. Why? Because if you do continue that way it will lead to bigger problems and challenges in the future. I hope this information helps you find your way and guide you through the process of creating structure so that you can have less behavior breakdowns within your home. For more information feel free to check out my video!
My autism mom membership group, the Au-mazing Ignite Nation, is having a class on Monday April 8th at 7pm EST. We’ll be bringing in a guest expert to discuss even more keys to unlocking behavior breakdowns and “must do” tips to create better relationships. If this is an area your struggling with on your autism journey, please join us!
If there are other areas you’re struggling with in your autism parenting, or if you just want to educate yourself more about autism acceptance and inclusion during Autism Awareness Month, check out some of my other blogs!
How to Identify Your Unique
Parenting With Autism: Reality Check
3 Strategies to Shift Out of Your Funk When Parenting Autism
Hi, it’s your girl Dr. Alisha Griffith, officially known to many as “Dr. Ali.” I am your autism parenting strategist and ignite coach. I help autism moms, mompreneurs, and aspiring mompreneurs, to shift past places of feeling overwhelmed, frustrated, and stress out, and move towards where you are making bold, brave power moves so you can ignite the results you want and live that ultimate dream or that ultimate life you desire.
Today I will speak a little bit more about how to identify what makes your child unique. So let’s start by taking out a paper and pen. There’s an activity page in my book Au-mazing Gift: A Journey to Autism Acceptance, this is my success tool #2 where we identify unique strengths. Now lets write down five characteristics about our child that make them uniquely themselves.
For my son Zachary, he’s always lighting up the room, always positive. He tends to shift others when they’re feeling down. He also has a canny way of being funny, and connects well with those that he has an interest in. Those are some of his unique characteristics.
Take some time and write down what are five unique characteristics that your child may have, what makes them unique? If you’re still not sure about this ask a friend, ask a family member. They may be able to identify some things that you don’t write see.
Now as you’re finding those unique characteristics about your child, let’s take some time out to find out the unique characteristics about you. Yes you, we’re still talking about YOU mom, and how can you identify your unique characteristics. So the same thing – write down five things that make YOU unique, and also have your other friends, or other people you may know, tell you what makes you unique.
So it’s your girl Dr. Ali Griffith, make sure you stay tuned because I have an au-mazing free tool that I’m offering right now where we’re sharing 14 other strategies (I call them my secret success tips) on how you can create radical results! So make sure you sign up for that, and sign up for the opportunity of being in any one of my monthly Masterclasses, or in my special Ignite Au-mazing Nation (my membership group).
Don’t do this alone y’all, make sure you gather a team!
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