3 Strategies to Shift Out of Your Funk When Parenting Autism

by Adriana Santiago | Oct 5, 2018 | Uncategorized

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Today I’m bringing you strategies on how to shift out of your funk. First, I just want to let you know that you’re not alone, and that there are other parents who feel it like you. I’m empowering you out there to help each other, to help us. Sometimes I’m the one feeling it, and sometimes I’m the one helping. I never want it to seem like I’m never going through it because I have those days too. Acknowledging the moments when you’re feeling like this is important, it’s critical. So let’s get into some strategies for getting out of our funk.

Tip Number 1:

Identify that funk. When you can just sit down and say, “oh my god that’s me. I’m feeling lost, I’m feeling stuck, I’m feeling completely powerless right now,” it’s part of the way to healing, getting past it, and getting through it. Allow yourself to feel it. Be in it, embrace it. Far too long we’re pretending, far too long we’re walking around with a “face” on and not being able to say openly “this is how I feel, this is the moment I’m having.” Acknowledge it. Say it out loud. Just saying “me!” allows yourself a certain freeness to know that “hey, no I’m not doing fine, I’m freaking out right now. I don’t know the answer. I’m so stressed I feel like I’m walking backwards.” Allow yourself some time to be in it and be okay with it.

Tip Number 2:

Have a positive listener as you’re allowing yourself some time. Make sure that you have some friends or a group of people that are good, positive listeners. The people who you can share info with who don’t always want to give you an answer or solve it, but who are just THERE. Or, you can start writing down what’s going on and speak it or write it. Start writing down the things you’re grateful for. Start writing it down, writing it down, writing it down, and speaking it. I’m saying “I’m grateful for breath, I’m grateful for the fact that I’m alive today, I’m grateful for the energy, I’m grateful for my son, I’m grateful that even though it’s a challenge I know there’s a rainbow at the end of this, I’m grateful for waking up this morning, I’m grateful for these shoes”. I take myself through this gratitude exercise until somehow I feel this shift happening. If you don’t feel the shift happening, keep going. Sometimes it can take a good 10, 15, or 20 minutes of “I’m grateful for___.” Just keep hitting it, and you will start to feel more gratitude. As parents, if we spiral any further we’re no good for our babies, absolutely no good. Because all they get is the energy of our funk. And guess what: even though they’re having rough times, they absolutely do no deserve that. That means we need to get our ish together. It means “hey lady, you with the funk, you, yes you, you need to get it together!”

Tip Number 3:

Create a plan. We gotta create a plan out of it. Some of you that can’t do it alone, of course I’m always gonna offer a 15 minute consult of no charge to you. I’ve sat on many phone calls with many of you guys and just listened to you, and then I say, “ Ok alright. That’s the funk, now lets see how we move past this. How do we create a plan? Let’s get your power back. What action steps can you do now to start moving you towards that?” If you’re stuck at that, that’s where you need a coach – when you need someone that can give you a little bit of clarity. If you can do it by yourself even better, that’s fine. The key about it is creating a plan allows you to move. Even though you might not think it’s the right move, and even though you’re questioning yourself, once you come up with a plan or some kind of action, it will lead you towards the right direction. You don’t have to know all the how’s, you don’t have to know all the details of it. You just have to know that “I can’t stay stuck here. I can’t be at the same space today, tomorrow, and the next day … what else can I do?” And when you run out of answers, stop trying to do it alone and get someone else with expertise that can help you get results.

As you make moves, doors will open. When you put together an action and results based plan with specific things to help make sure it goes through, doors will open. Let’s start moving.

5 Au-mazing Tips Dealing with School

by Adriana Santiago | Sep 28, 2018 | Uncategorized

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Hello everyone it is Dr. Ali, Autism Parenting Strategist and I am popping in live and direct for Autism parenting strategy. I’m super duper excited because it’s the end of September, hooray! hooray! hooray! we made it! We made it pack the first month of school or do the first month of school so for those having a really really good start give me a thumbs up to let me know that school is going pretty well for you.

So we now have some of us now getting used to think and trying to figure it out and you know for me for now I am seriously tired because Zachary just started in high school so all new ball games we are trying to get into the glow of things, new sets of homework, a lot of new activities that he had not fully learned to navigate quite well yet, so it’s a lot of teaching. As expected, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t take less out of me. I am here to give tips dealing with school

Tip Number 1:

Try and create a partnership with the school to the person who works in the school and have a child in the school.
I have a conversation someone from Zachary’s school regarding him not getting all of his services as yet but you know by now he said half. So even though a part of me was upset and I wanted to go walk and house parenting a wanna go walk, I wanna go off. It is very important to establish that we are a team and we are in a partnership. And in the end we, we all want what’s best for Zachary and these are the languages then I’d need you to start learning on how to use for the school.

Tip Number 2:

One thing to understand is teamwork. Once they understand that you are in a together. Once they understand that you’re trying to work with them, they begin to work, tried to work with you. And together, you get to create something that’s gonna work effectively for your child. So even though at the beginning of the conversation, blah blah blah, you know going off because I’m still parent first. I’d still wanted to make sure that she knew that she was being heard and wanna her to understand that we are all on the same team. And, I think those warnings tend to bring the edge off a little and she knows she was doing calls.
Remember it’s teamwork, collaboration you wanna know guys you all are working together as a team not constantly fighting.

Tip Number 3:

You have choices, parents have choices. Your choices if you wanna keep your child on that school, your choice if you wanna move her to a different classroom or different school. Homeschooling, for my homeschooling parents. You have the right to be open to what choices is best for your child,. Not to say the best for immediate action, but just always understand that you have choices. So I think that we know we have choices, we don’t feel like we are stuck in this place.

Tip Number 4:

The place here and we have no control over it and when parents begin to feel like we don’t have control, then we lose control. if we feel like it. It’s just your decision, you’re not thinking about what was saying and not incorporating us. We begin to feel powerless and as educators, as parents, we don’t want anyone to lose power in the scene. We understand the school’s power and they’re choices butthe school also has to understand our power in the choices that we have as parents.

Tip Number 5:

Taking back your power. Keep your power. Your power coming from within you and that no one has the right take away that power solive inn your power. Be in your power and feel confidently strong in your power.

Make sure you watch the video to get access to an exclusive BONUS tip! It’s one that’s extremely important, and it’s something that I do every single year. Go watch now to find out how to have an even more successful school year!

3 Au-mazing Tips to a Successful School Year

by Adriana Santiago | Sep 21, 2018 | Uncategorized

Click the image to watch the video for an EXCLUSIVE tip.

I know the school year just started and lot of us are getting nervous. That’s why today I’m giving you 3 au-mazing tips to have a successful school year!

Tip Number 1:

Communication Log. This is extremely important. You definitely have to have a way of communicating back and forth with the teacher. Whether you’re using an email system, whether you’re using an actual paperback system, whichever way that you choose, there has to be a communication log. I don’t want you to start school and just look into the notebook and check to see what’s happening. These are au-mazing tips – you’re not going to be a regular parent, you’re going to be an AU-MAZING parent. That means we’re taking everything that we normally would do to the next level. In this communication log we’re telling:

• all the things our child knows well
• what does he like and what doesn’t he like
• behavioral patterns
• things that you know upset your child
• things that you know will help your child when they have a breakdown
• manners of which you should talk to your child.

Tip Number 2:

You have to go meet the teacher! Meet the teacher, meet the therapist, go all the way down to the gym teacher. Meet everyone that is involved with helping your child throughout the year. Why is it important? It’s important so they can see a face, so they can see that this child has a parent that’s actively involved. Take time out of your school day and create a time to meet,  every parent of a child with a parent of autism should. There’s always a meet the teacher event, and if your school doesn’t have one or you can make it, reschedule or schedule it for another time. Definitely by the third week of school you should meet the people involved with your child. The only way you can create a system and strategy, the only way you can work on an IEP, the individualized educational plan, together is by visually meeting each other. By putting the education log into something physical and practical, now you get to express to them “this is what I want, these are the expectations.” You get to tell them what your expectations are, and they get to tell you their expectations so you get to be on the same level.

Tip Number 3:

Now here’s the thing that ties everything together: the support. Ask them, “how can I support you?” The question that always helps everyone feel involved in supporting each other is asking, “what can I do at home to support this process? What can I do to support YOU in this process?” Let them know we’re on the same team, let them know we want to work together. We are a cohesive team all looking forward to the child having a successful year. You have to know clearly what a successful year looks like to you. If you don’t know, they won’t know. Ask for support, plan, and execute expectations.

Make sure you watch the video to get access to an exclusive BONUS tip! It’s one that’s extremely important, and it’s something that I do every single year. Go watch now to find out how to have an even more successful school year!

5 Pet Peeves for the Beginning of the School Year

by Adriana Santiago | Sep 14, 2018 | Uncategorized

This topic stems from when I had a parent in my Autism Acceptance Fest group speak about what’s going on in the beginning of the school year. I wanted to make sure that I share some of the things that my other parents shared for how the beginning of the school year is going … We do understand as autism parents that our strategies, and our fights, and our ways of getting through, are different.

Today I just wanted to give you guys a chance for us to have this discussion so you know you know you’re not alone.

Number One:

So Zachary started middle school, and middle school means a whole new life. A whole new set of arrangements I have to get into, a whole new bus. So the bus was late the first four out of five days. I’ve been spoiled for the last few grades because we haven’t had many bus issues. However, new system, new school, new bus system … he keeps being late. As a result of that, now I’m getting the late calls. We started having bussing issues because it’s a whole new school, and they’ve been having difficulty arranging new kids and patterns, and Zachary has been late for school. I don’t know if any of you guys have a child on the spectrum and they’re late for school and have this issue, but when Zachary is late for school he goes into complete overwhelm. We have to deal with the “mommy I’m gonna be late,” and the crying, and the whole mix of changes of emotions. So this week I had to take him to school to make sure he’s going to be fine. I don’t like him to be late, he’s in middle school now, why have a new system and be late for school? So you know I’m already on top of that. I have to call OPT and make sure they understand that we can’t keep doing this … so how are we going to make this better? I’m a forgiving parent, so I’m going to give them two weeks to get it together, and if you don’t get it together, then we have do what we need to do. So that’s one pet peeve.

Number Two:

The second pet peeve is transitioning. A whole new change, a whole new school, how are we getting used to our kids being in this new school? You gotta create a system, and you gotta let them know ahead of time. You have to keep some sort of schedule. You have to keep talking to them about this being something new. You’re gonna have a new teacher, and you’re gonna have new rules.

Number Three:

Communication is key. You gotta keep that letter of communication back and forth between parents. Are you still communicating, are you writing letters to each other? If they’re not answering, how else are you gonna get them to respond to you? One way direction is not a conversation, it’s you speaking to yourself. We can’t keep it one way, we gotta make sure it’s a back and forth discourse.

Number Four:

What is going on? How are their academics going? What are they teaching our children? Since some of our kids don’t explain things in detail, we need to know that learning is going on. So you gotta show me what you’re doing – send me a book home, let me know what you’re working on. I don’t want to play guessing games! I don’t think school is the only place Zachary learns. I believe he learns at school, and I believe he learns the majority at home. Whether it’s with me, another teacher, a program at home, or a tutoring system, either way, I don’t rely only on the school. So, you need to let me know what is being done at school.

Number Five:

Not staying angry. You can’t stay angry, you have to make sure you go to the school, you have to make sure they’ve seen your face so they associate your child with it. You’ve got to stay in contact. A lot of parents are not in active roles: you’re not not going in, you’re not finding out information, you’re not letting the principal see you. They have to see you. They have to associate your child to someone. Create a relationship and don’t only expect it to be done from the school. You have to be involved.

These are pet peeves I’m seeing from parents, pet peeves from schools, when I’m with my client’s. I’m seeing the constant complaints. So this is what you need to do to get it going. I’m giving you the pet peeve, and I’m giving you the strategies to fix it. So don’t tell me you can’t stay stuck in negative, you can’t stay stuck in this is not happening, unless you are doing your part and making noise. I’m not saying it’s a perfect lifestyle. I’m living it also. Some of the things you’re going through, I have to go through also. What I do know is to expect the best, to expect the most, and make some noise. Talk about it, be involved, and most importantly, don’t settle for less for you or your baby.